Dear Sangita: My partner and I decided to make loose friends with our new neighbours. Now they’re obsessed with us! We invited them over for a coffee, when they first moved into the neighbourhood, just wanting to be friendly. They invited us back. But now they’re literally knocking on our door multiple times a week, inviting us for everything from going to the theatre to having a full sit down dinner with them or game night! How do we distance ourselves? — Neighbourly nuisance
Dear Neighbourly: This is a tough one. They’re your neighbours, and they’re going to be there for a while, so you have to handle this very delicately. I don’t think you can be totally honest in this situation, and since they’re not close friends, it’s OK to tell a little bit of a lie from time to time. Let them know you’re not available every time they ask, and eventually they’ll get the message. You can also invite them over to your place so you feel like you have a bit more control over timing and scheduling — but invite them for a time a month out from now. Maybe with the promise that they’ll be seeing you in a few weeks, those invites will become a little less frequent. Ultimately, take this as a compliment: you made such a great impression and you’re so incredible that they want to make real friends with you!
Dear Sangita: My boyfriend refuses to recycle. This might be a deal-breaker. He insists that it makes no difference and has a big conspiracy about how everything goes in the same chute anyways. I know that’s true sometimes, but not all of the time, and I think being someone who won’t take two seconds to properly recycle reflects very poorly on him. What does this mean about who he is as a person? What else is he careless about? — Reduce, reuse, relationship regret
Dear RRRR: It really does depend what country you’re in. Many countries don’t recycle at all, and Toronto tries, but we don’t always do a great job of it. So it’s not really a conspiracy; your boyfriend is telling some truth. This seems to be something that is so important to you, but not so important to him. I don’t know if it’s fair to judge him on something that matters only to you. For example, some people really like to work out, but their partner does not, but you love them for other things. There’s a reason why you’ve met this person and there’s a reason why you’re dating. You’re pushing your narrative about what you think is right onto someone else, and a lesson we all have to learn in relationships is that you’re never going to change a person unless they want to change. I think you can definitely meet each other halfway on this: maybe he can commit to recycling the metal cans, because we know those will for sure be recycled in Canada. You definitely don’t need to break up with him. Maybe you can both teach each other a little bit about your own perspectives on recycling and find a middle ground!
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