Dear Sangita: My wife met my “work wife” for the first time. Now, she has a lot of questions. They met at an office party, and my work wife had maybe too many nice things to say about me. I hadn’t ever really mentioned her name to my wife before, but the way she spoke about me, I’m sure my wife picked up on the fact that we’re pretty close at work. I thought I was protecting my wife by not telling her too much about her, but now I feel like it’s making me look suspicious. What do I do? — Wife crossover
Dear Crossover: There’s something called emotional affairs, and I feel this is what’s happening here, even if you may not realize you’re there. I get the sense that you’re getting some emotional needs taken care of with this woman at work, and that’s why you’ve kept your wife in the dark. Women are smart — I’m sure your wife picked up on some things in that conversation with your colleague. And I doubt it’s jealousy on your wife’s part; it’s more the fact that you didn’t have the nerve to tell her. If you had told your wife about this work relationship from the beginning when it started, she would have been fine. Now, you’re right: it looks like you had something to hide. So you have to acknowledge everything that’s happening here and come clean about exactly what the dynamic is like with the woman at work. If your wife feels uncomfortable with it, you should pull away from your colleague. Your relationship is only going to get worse, unless you start doing the things you were doing with your “work wife” (whether that’s leaning on her for emotional support or confiding in her) with your actual wife.
Dear Sangita: My sister’s boyfriend is going to propose on Valentine’s Day. I feel like I have to warn her. She really loves him, but I can tell she’s not exactly there yet, and they’re still pretty young. I tried to allude to that to her boyfriend, but he’s just too eager and excited to notice. Is it my sisterly duty to give her a heads up? — Proposal patrol
Dear Proposal Patrol: I think there’s a reason he asked you, and it wasn’t for advice. He needed some kind of confirmation that he’s doing the right thing. I’m sure he is excited, but a part of him might get the sense that this is not the right thing to do or the right time. He might have been seeking approval from you, and you didn’t say anything. At this point, you should go to your sister and have a heart-to-heart conversation about how serious the relationship is and figure out if she really does love him and wants to make those kinds of plans with him. I know you already think she doesn’t want this, but it’s worth having this check-in. You don’t need to tell her what’s about to happen, but by talking with her, she may end up figuring it out on her own.
More from Sangita:
Dear Sangita: My husband discovered I was having an affair, but since it happened he hasn’t mentioned it at all and is weirdly pretending like everything is the same. We have to talk about it, and I know he’s probably hurt. How do I get him to open up?
Dear Sangita: I’m engaged to a married man. He was supposed to have mailed in the paperwork before he proposed to me, but I found out after that some documents were missing when he did. Was I wrong for calling off the wedding?
Dear Sangita: My mom is going through what some might call a mid-life crisis since divorcing my dad, and it’s giving me a lot of stress! I’ll call her at 11 p.m., and she’ll be getting ready to head to an all-nighter club. I want her to be happy, but I also want her to be safe. What should I do?
