DATING IN YOUR 30s is so different from your 20s. Am I right? In your 30s, you’ve been with the bad boy, the nice guy, the artist, the investment banker. When the investment banker type didn’t work out, we went back to the artist type. If he was bad, then we tried good, then probably bad again.
If you’re like me (in your 30s), your friends probably know what type of man is better suited for you. (All my friends tell me what kind of guy I need.) But, the good news, though it might come as a surprise, is it’s even easier to meet men in your 30s.
Instead of meeting drunk, underemployed, immature men at the Madison, you don’t even have to leave your house!
You barely have to work at it at all. That’s because women are looking out for their friends and “passing on” their dates — sometimes before the date has even ended. We’re not possessive of our men. In fact, we’re generous!
Case in point: On a recent weeknight in front of the television watching an old episode of Entourage, I received a text from a friend at a bar on College Street.
She was on a blind date. She wrote: “He’s sweet, nice, don’t think he’s for me, but soooooooo for you.” I grinned.I’m not looking, but it’s nice to have friends thinking about you — especially while on their own dates. A couple hours and a few alcoholic beverages later, the same friend texted me. This time she wrote, “I’m now drunk. I’m thinking I can make out with him … not to say I won’t pass him on to you next. Don’t worry. Xo.”
I hate to be the one to share this little game that runs rampant in Toronto. But I will. Let’s call it Passing on Men, because that’s what it is, and it sure as hell beats Scrabble (even though I can kick your ass at Scrabble.)
I like this game because I don’t think men know we do it. Many women complain about how evil men are to them. But the women I know? Well, trust me, we’re the ones in control. Men may think they’re in charge of whom they date, but, really, like most things in the world, it’s us women who are in control, quietly working behind the scenes pulling the strings.
Last month, I was in Yorkville meeting Recently Separated Socialite for sangrias and a cheese plate.
“Who was that artist you were telling me about?” she asked. Right. I had told her I could fix her up with an artist I had met but wasn’t into because he was a little too self- obsessed and I was off artists at the time. But he was hot and fun. “I’ll get him to get in touch with you. No problem,” I said. “I’ll do it right now.” I texted Hot Artist Boy that I have a friend he has to meet and that they’d be perfect together. “Done,” I said, placing my BlackBerry on the table. Within seconds, he replied, “Really? Um, OK.What’s her number?”
“Good,” my friend responded, then added, “Hey, I was just on a blind date. He’s an investment banker, but he has three kids and I’m not ready for that,” she told me. “But he may be good for you because you have a child. Should I ask him to go out with you?”
So, there we were, talking about trading men in 2010 as casually as if we were exchanging recipes back in 1950.
Yes, I’ll admit, I’m not just a bystander in the Passing on Men game. I went on a date a while ago with a man who was GOP — “good on paper.”
He picked out a quaint restaurant in Leaside, picked me up in a convertible sports car. But, 10 minutes into our dinner conversation (about his allergies), I knew this guy was not for me. If he thought allergy talk was entertaining getting-to-know-you talk, could you imagine what the conversations would be like if I really got to know him.
The following day, I went shopping with my girlfriend at Anthropologie and was telling her about Boring Convertible Guy when she announced she had the perfect friend for him. Perfect because her friend was sort of boring, too! I went home and e- mailed my date, admitting that I didn’t think we had sparks, but my friend has a friend who would be interested in meeting him. Guess what? He was game!
So, guys, next time you’re out with a gal and trying to impress her, just remember that she could already be hard at work — fixing you up with her girlfriends.
Who knows? You could be in the middle of your date and not even know it. In fact, right now, I’m about to e-mail a friend who’s only looking for fun about Crazy Business Guy whom I went on one date with (yes, one, he owns a pit bull and gets into bar fights). They’d be perfect together. So I’m passing him on while I sit back and relax in front of my television, waiting for another friend to go on her date and pass her guy on.
It will happen. After all, as the saying goes, one woman’s garbage is another woman’s treasure. Or, in this city, at least a date.