If you wear a fedora, flex your muscles for no reason, sport a chinstrap beard and have $666 to blow, then chances are you might want to try the Douche Burger: the latest sensation from New York City food truck 666 Burger. Wrapped in three Benjamins, topped with gold leaf and stuffed with caviar, lobster and champagne-smoked cheese, this creation is a jab at all the other douche burgers out there (you know the ones).
Of course, this has us thinking: what would the ultimate Toronto Douche Burger look like? Possibly something like this:
- It would only be available on a secret menu, and you’d have to make a face before ordering it.
- It would probably be a lot like this douchey burger of yesteryear.
- It would contain real kobe beef — as in the Japanese, beer-fed, massaged kind — as opposed to some lame Ontario substitute.
- Foie gras and caviar, and lots of it.
- It would come with a latte, or a cocktail with house-made bitters.
- No lobster. Prices are on the downswing, so clearly it’s for plebs (not douches).
- It would come with a free gift certificate for brogues of some kind.
- It too would come wrapped in money. Which sucks for us, because our money melts.
- It would come with VIP passes to Faces.
- It would be whatever the superlative of organic is.