My therapist, whom I call Freud, has said to me on more than one occasion that I don’t like to be alone. But that’s just not true.
There’s nothing I like better after a long day than plopping down on my couch, catching up on Dexter and eating a bag of Oreos.
“When it comes to men,” Freud corrected himself,“you don’t like to be alone.”
This wasn’t an “Aha moment.” It was more like, “And, what’s the problem with that?” (And why am I paying you $200 for 45 minutes to tell me something I’m only too well aware of?)
Sure I haven’t been single for more than 8 months since I was 16 years old. And the eight-month stint on Lonelyville was when I separated from my daughter’s father. Now, a couple serious guys later, once in a while I think it might be good for me to be alone for a while, find out who I am and what I want.
But to be honest I’d rather have a guy in my life to go to dinner and a movie with and to handle the odd minor repair job around the house.
So, Freud, we agree to disagree. I don’t like to be alone when it comes to men, but is there really anything wrong with that? January is an ideal time to discuss rebound guys. Who hasn’t ended a relationship over the holidays?
Sure we’re supposed to make resolutions such as “I’m not going to just jump into the first relationship that comes my way.”
Not!
But it goes both ways. I’m actually seeing Rebound Guy right now. He would never say that, but I’m something of an expert in the subject. I’m the first woman he’s dated since his separation, of course I’m his bounce back babe.
But he’s mine, too. I started dating him just weeks after ending my last serious relationship. It’s actually very nice to date people like this. First of all, they haven’t dated in a long time, so they are usually on their best behavior.
This guy brings me flowers, buys me thoughtful gifts and calls and texts me all the time. The cynic in me says, “Well, of course. You’re his distraction.” But I’m OK with it.
In your 30s, it’s almost impossible to date a guy who is not on some sort of rebound. One of my girlfriends loves being a rebound girl so much she could probably suit up for the Raptors. Lord knows they need the help!
She sees herself as some sort of community worker or something. She says she shows men how to have fun. It worked out perfectly well for her for a while. She’d date someone and she’d either dump him or he dumped her, and within three days, she’d find a new man.
She just wanted to have fun ,and generally speaking, guys who are on the rebound are also just looking for fun. My friend not only spoke openly and truthfully to the guys she was with, telling them that they were just rebounds, but she actively encouraged them to date others as well.
This kind of thing can actually work out.Another friend said that she married her rebound. She fought it, but they’ve been married for six and a half years.
I think back to my exes.Two of my serious boyfriends — one in high school and one in the early days of university — both ended up marrying the women they met after dating me.
Last spring, I was fixed up with a man. I quite liked him. He had been out of his marriage for a few months and had dated other people. But I was his first serious relationship.
We were having a pretty good time, until suddenly he said, “I’m just not into this,” or something to that effect. I asked him if he was still in love with his ex, and he pretty much fessed up.
I really quite admired him for telling the truth.There’s not much a girl can do if the guy she’s dating is in love with someone else. That’s the one negative.
You might try to convince yourself that you’re over the other person, but then, it turns out, you’re not really. But if you go in knowing that you are a rebound, and your guy knows he’s your rebound, then all cards are on the table. You know what you’re getting into.
I’m not a fortune teller, but it could work out. Plus, I’m pretty good at multi-tasking. Who’s to say that I can’t be Rebound Girl and try to figure out who I am and what I really want?
He may be my rebound, but he also knows that I am looking for a serious relationship and may want to have another child. I’ve been up front.
He hasn’t run yet. So my New Year’s resolution is not to take a break from men, but to stop reading trashy magazines.
Freud will just have to deal with it. Because having a rebound man in your life is such a better distraction than reading US Weekly.