Cheesy Halloween movies are decorum for this time of year. Just look at the remake of the 1982 classic, The Thing, which opened recently in theatres. It’s a Halloween cinema confection that’s doled out to supposedly scare the bejesus out of us, but Torontonians might want to check it out just to be smug, since it was filmed at the city’s Pinewood Studios. That got us thinking: what other hokey horror flicks were filmed here?
Turns out, there’s been more than a few. Here are our picks for the cheesiest scary movies shot in our scary city.
Deadly Eyes (1982)
This horror flick was released in Australian theatres under the more appropriate name Rats (who, for the record, are the ones with the deadly eyes). Sure, rats are dirty. But scary? You bet. An army of killer rats, bred by contaminated grain, begins feeding on the residents of Toronto. As the trailer attests, these rats are “big.” Actually, they’re “this big.” How big? Well, considering that dachshunds were dressed up as rats for special effects (this was the early ‘80s remember), they’re pretty freaking big. We’ll never look at a rat, or a wiener dog for that matter, the same.
Humongous (1982)
H-U-M-O-N-G-O-U-S. That is the correct spelling of the word “humongous,” just so we’re all clear. Got it? Okay, one more time: H-U-M-O-N-G-O-U-S. Now that we know to spell it, what, exactly, is Humongous? Obviously it’s the creepy dude who shows up at the end of the trailer. He doesn’t look to be all that huge (could be the lighting, could be our modern day acceptance of exceptionally tall NBA players) but according to the movie’s IMDB page, he’s a scary, hairy man, who’s avenging the rape of his mother by killing some shipwrecked teens. Makes sense. Now that we know why he’s pissed, what’s up with all the angry dogs?
Curtains (1983)
We’ve all heard about that actor or actress who would “kill” for a starring role. But what if it were… true? In this classic-style slasher flick (with the requisite amount of nudity, a creepy doll in the middle of a deserted road and an are-you-kidding-me-with-that-mask mask), six actresses go to a secluded mansion to audition for a movie role (because, you know, that’s normal) where they’re targeted by a masked murderer, giving a whole new meaning to the term “casting couch.”
Psycho Girls (1985)
With a title like that, we’re surprised feminists weren’t up in arms over this movie. But then again, we’re guessing a lot of people missed this one, which looks like it could have been the mutated-baby-of-a-collabo between Wes Craven and Joan Jett. It’s got at least two things going for it: a catchy theme song and a little girl with an evil look. Her bowl-shaped haircut will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
The Gate (1987)
We have to admit, we’ve got a soft spot for a movie that reminds us of ‘80s classics like Labyrinth or Gremlins, which tried to scare us with creepy creatures that are now pretty much just cute. Okay, maybe “cute” isn’t the right word to describe little demons multiplying and terrorizing three children. “Funny” is more like it. Added bonus: a young Stephen Dorff.