Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau releases her new book, Closer Together, on April 23. It’s about her life, her journey of self-discovery and how to live authentically in an increasingly stressed out world.
Streets of Toronto spoke with Grégoire-Trudeau about the book and her life since recent events.
You had a big change in your own life in August. How are you now, and how did the lessons you are writing about help you?
You know, I believe that we sit with very ingrained concepts of what relationships are, especially when it comes to love in our society. You know, successes, marriage failures, divorce — I think that we are immature, relationally and emotionally. And unfortunately, the children bear the brunt of this. We [Justin and I] can be an example of restructuring a relationship without having to kill the relationship, we can be an example of still loving each other, respecting each other, helping each other, being there for each other, even if paths become more parallel than one on top of the other.
Do you see relationships as being inherently difficult for everyone?
The only difficult thing with relationships is that it’s two things. The reason why we have so much conflict is that we object to the difference, we don’t like difference. We think people see the world the same way we do, but that’s not the case. And then, you know, when we feel insecure in ourselves, we object even in a greater manner to difference, because difference threatens us. And if you look at the state of the world right now, that would be its greatest reflection. If we do the work of being secure in ourselves and accepting ourselves for who we are, that’s the greatest work we’ll ever do in a lifetime.
Did writing this book give you a fresh start or new perspective?
The process of writing is cathartic. It is a process that, if you allow it to be, it deepens your self-knowledge. I also had the opportunity to interview such an incredible array of experts — neuroscientists, couples therapists, children’s therapists, couples specialists. So it was a learning curve for me as well. And I kept thinking, “Oh my God, everything that I’m learning right now I want to share with other people.” And I’m kind of like that in my personality, because I’m an only child. So if I have something, I’m like, “OK, who wants to play?”
What did you find most challenging about the process?
Sitting my bum on a chair for hours. I’m very interested in sports, I love to move. But I also learned how to sit in meditation through the years, which is kind of a little bit counter to my personality, but it is true to our nature. The most potent version of ourselves is calm and rested. We tend to forget about that when we grow up in a society of competition and comparison.
If people take one lesson from this book, what would that be?
Your truth will set you free. It’s Michael J. Fox who says that we’re only as sick as our secrets: when we hide from our own selves, when we wear the mask because we hurt — and we all are co-dependent in some ways, right? We need human connection to thrive.
It’s hard for people to go deep inside their own selves though.
If you’re able to have the courage to open up inside of yourself and dive deep and befriend your silence and befriend your pain, your life, your brain, your relationships will shift in a way you won’t even believe. We have to break open in order for the light to get in. As Leonard Cohen said, ‘There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in,” which is deeply philosophical.
How important is it for people to embrace a mental health or wellness practice in this society?
The art of mindfulness — whether it’s sitting in silence, whether it’s yoga, whether it’s Tai Chi, Qigong, going for walks in nature or just lying down on the floor and putting your hands over your heart — whatever you choose, it doesn’t matter, as long as you can — I can’t swear — but, slow the F down.
So what’s next for you?
You know what? There’s one thing that we have to live with and also embrace and that’s uncertainty. I have a lot of ideas. But I’m OK now with living with uncertainty. It makes me emotional, just to say that because we all do [live with uncertainty], right? And I think of all the people who have no certainty in their lives, right? And I want to help out.