Regular readers of my monthly theatre column in Post City Magazines may be aware that the subject of my doctorate in theatre and english back in the late ‘70s was the theatre criticism of Nathan Cohen, who was the finest critic in Canada at that time and for several decades before. In his later years — he died young, in his 40s — Cohen was once stopped on the street by the fan of a certain popular musical at the time.
"Mr. Cohen," the fan hissed, "do you honestly believe that the millions of people who know and love Brigadoon are all wrong, and you are right?"
Without a moment's hesitation, the former critic at CBC Radio, the Toronto Telegram and finally The Toronto Star, plucked his ever-present cigar from his mouth and smiled, "yes."
With that charming recollection, let me begin my review of the Mirvish production of Hair, the "first and most famous" rock opera of all time. It ran for over a year in the same location — the Royal Alexandra Theatre — back in the late ‘60s, and then seemingly forever on Broadway. It ends its present, thankfully brief run at the Alex on Dec. 31.
I cannot imagine a more dreadful way to end 2011 other than investing belatedly with Bernie Madoff's former partners. It is, inarguably, an abomination; a waste of time; a shockingly boring evening of theatre. It is a terrible recollection of the "hippie" era, the struggle against the war in Vietnam, racism and everything else the show once seemed to stand for. This actually won the Tony for best musical revival a few years ago? Oh, heavens.
Yes, there are a number of classic songs from the repertoire of over 30 — you read right, over 30! — which run almost non-stop through the evening: "Aquarius," "Easy to be Hard" and, of course, "Let the Sun Shine In." But the script is so empty and silly that it would be given an "F," or perhaps a "Q," from a grade five English teacher.
Are there fabulous voices? No question. Is this a show "for the ages?" Perhaps if the ages are between nine and 17, and perhaps if the audience is determined to figure out why this musical was once so loved and obsessed over. The dozens (and dozens) of songs zoom by almost unheard, many are 45 seconds, or less, in length.
Put simply, this is amateur night, in spite of its historical importance. Fine voices, some pleasant stage business, but that is it.
As Nathan Cohen would have told his editors at The Star: "can you please send someone else to the Royal Alex?"
Hair, Royal Alexandra Theatre. Runs until Dec. 31.
Allan Gould is Post City Magazines’ theatre critic. He has a Ph.D. in english and theatre from York University and has written over 40 books. His writing has appeared in Toronto Life, Chatelaine, en Route, Canadian Business, Good Times and Financial Post. He is married with two children. Aside from his family, his major passions are theatre and film, because they enrich life with pleasure and meaning.