Here’s news that’s sure to be a mind-rending shock: according to the National Post, Canadians are sometimes perceived as “boring” by the international community. Little do they know that once a year, a rift in the space-time continuum opens next to a dumpster behind the food pavilion at the CNE, spilling forth all sorts of extra-dimensional weirdness. Here’s a rundown of the oddballery you can expect this year, beginning tomorrow.
1. Deep fried North American life. By now you’ve heard about the deep fried cola, yes? And the cheeseburger, sandwiched between two halves of an artery-obliterating Krispy Kreme donut? Add to this deep fried butter, pop-tarts, slushies… Excuse the philosophical waxing, but there’s a strange irony in the wares that the CNE’s food vendors concoct. It’s like an edible wax museum — something that could be shown in a Michael Moore doc with eerie strings humming in the background. But, does that mean we aren’t going to eat it? Oh hell no. Christmas comes but once a year, kids. Check it out in the Toronto Star Food Building.
2. The bra as conceptual art. Personally, we think the bra is a pretty decent invention as-is, but the good people at The Bra Project have made improvements, and for a good cause. This collection of sixty eccentric female undergarments seems like a joke at first, but it’s actually a creative and touching way to raise breast cancer awareness. And, yes, it retains a sense of humor as well. You can check out “Booby Orr” and other decorative breast support systems daily, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. in the Arts, Crafts and Hobbies Pavillion.
3. Becky Hoops. She’s a cavorting, hula-hooping jokesmith: a little weird, but not exactly a Twilight Zone remake starring Christopher Walken. On the other hand, really, 10 bucks if you can tell us just what is going on in this YouTube video we found of her act. We’ll go, but we’re not taking our shirts off. Be entertained, or possibly endure crippling psychological humiliation daily at Busker’s Corner.
4. The International Sand Sculpting Competition, returning for its sophomore year. Don’t call them sandcastles: this showdown is serious business. Six artists from around the world will square off, moulding 10 tons of sand into massive sculptures symbolizing their home nations. Who knows what’ll happen? Sand Elvis (USA)? Sand U2 (Ireland)? Sand “crowd of people eating deep fried butter” (Canada)? The competition will take place from Aug. 19-24 at Heritage Court in the Direct Energy Centre, with the resulting creations displayed there afterwards.
5. Bob Blumer. Okay — yes, on the surface he’s just a normal Food Network personality hanging out at the CNE to spread some culinary know-how. But have you seen Glutton for Punishment? Bob Blumer is more insane than a deep fried brassiere working a hula-hoop. He once lived off of nothing but Guinness for a week. (Shocking verdict: Guinness is probably not that “good for you.”) He also paddled a hollowed-out pumpkin downstream, tossed haggis and made a 2,672-pound bowl of salsa. Please, can somebody challenge him to a sixteen-course fried food contest? You’ll find him tomorrow at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. manning the Food Network stage in the At Home Pavillion, Hall A.
CNE, Aug. 19 – Sept. 5
