Charles MacPherson is a butler with experience managing the households of the country’s most prominent families. He also founded the one and only school of butlering in North America. So, if he says you use a fork and knife to eat cooked bacon, then you wrap your greasy fingers around those utensils and get to cutting.
That little gem, as well as preparing a cheese plate, decanting wine and hundreds of other insights to facilitate stylish entertaining and impeccable etiquette, in addition to household cleaning and management tips, are included in his new book, The Butler Speaks, out this month.
“It’s not about holding our pinkies up in the air. It’s about you being relaxed in your space,” says MacPherson.
“And I think that’s what etiquette is really about. It’s about making the other people feel comfortable. But you can’t make others feel comfortable until you are comfortable.”
MacPherson earned his superior skills and knowledge through close to a quarter century of working as a butler.
While training his counterparts in Europe, MacPherson realized it was time to readapt the age-old butler philosophies to our more casual culture in North America.
His words of wisdom for us Canucks: “More relaxed doesn’t mean lack of professionalism.”
Wearing jeans or calling people by their first names doesn’t matter, he says. It’s about learning how to properly prepare tea, for example, by warming up the pot, letting the tea steep and removing the tea bag before serving. You are not to drop a tea bag into a cold mug, pour in hot water and serve.
The book comes from his belief that everyone should live well, and he wanted to pen something relevant for those who look after cleaning their own homes and preparing their own dinner parties.
MacPherson says that we shouldn’t be so intimidated by etiquette. “Etiquette is about knowledge, knowledge is about building self-confidence,” he says.
Take, for example, the annoying habit of party guests gawking at their cellphones all night. Not good, says MacPherson, not good at all.
“It’s so disrespectful,” he says, “because I think it means that other people at the table aren’t important enough.”
According to MacPherson, it all comes down to education or lack thereof.
“I think the problem is that the basic rules of civility aren’t being taught today,” he says. “Parents, grandparents, friends can share a book like this with someone and help them without pointing the finger.”
