Dear Sangita: Last New Year’s Eve, my boyfriend made a promise to me. It’s almost the end of the year and he hasn’t fulfilled it. He told me by the end of this year, we would be engaged. He said he just needed to get his finances together. I waited all year, and we even went on a nice trip together, and now, nothing. Should I confront him? Give up on him?— Countdown to the ring
Dear Countdown: I hate this idea of the obligation around engagement; that’s not what life is about! If he’s telling you, “I really want to make sure we’re stable financially and I can give you a good life before we make that choice,” you should understand and support that. This engagement deadline shouldn’t be what you’re focusing on. His finances are obviously a major worry for him, and as his partner you should support him.
If it’s something else — maybe you feel he’s on the fence, maybe he’s cheating — then that’s a different conversation you need to be having with him. But if you’re just there for the ring, then I would say: leave him.
Dear Sangita: My mother-in-law said I could host Christmas this year, but now she’s micro-managing everything. She’s been texting me all day, every day, showing up unannounced to assess whether our space is big enough to host the whole family and asking for me to tell her every little thing that I plan on cooking. I thought I was doing her a favour because she used to complain about hosting every year. How do I get her off my back? — Micro-managing MIL
Dear MM: I’m sorry to tell you this but: she was complaining because that’s what parents do, but inside, they love hosting! You can try offering it back to your mother-in-law. Then the ball is back in her court, and she has two options: she can say, “No, no, I think you can handle it. I gave it to you.” Or she’ll say, “Yes, I’d like to do it.” Hopefully by making this her decision she’ll back off a little bit — but probably not. We all know what’s going to happen at the end of the day if you host: if your mother-in-law is nitpicking now, even if you make everything perfect, she’s going to have things to complain about. That’s just what they do!
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More from Sangita:
Dear Sangita: My husband discovered I was having an affair, but since it happened he hasn’t mentioned it at all and is weirdly pretending like everything is the same. We have to talk about it, and I know he’s probably hurt. How do I get him to open up?
Dear Sangita: I’m engaged to a married man. He was supposed to have mailed in the paperwork before he proposed to me, but I found out after that some documents were missing when he did. Was I wrong for calling off the wedding?
Dear Sangita: My mom is going through what some might call a mid-life crisis since divorcing my dad, and it’s giving me a lot of stress! I’ll call her at 11 p.m., and she’ll be getting ready to head to an all-nighter club. I want her to be happy, but I also want her to be safe. What should I do?
