Parent Hacks: Revamping Valentine’s Day

Crush those unhealthy attitudes by keeping it simple for your kids

When I was a kid, Valentine’s Day was quite different than it is today. For starters, we weren’t forced to write a card for every kid in the class. We chose who we wanted to send a card to, and most of us made them anonymous, particularly if it was for a boy (or a girl) you had a crush on. 

Today, kids are expected to write a card for every child in the class or not at all. Actually, I don’t think “not at all” is an option, but I wish that it were. When my kids were little, they had to address every card by name and sign every card with their own name. They dutifully followed along with a class list, and if nothing else, it was a printing exercise. 

Today, most teachers don’t hand out the class list; they just ask the kids to sign their names and drop them generically in a paper bag each child has decorated. But while the writing of and selection of valentine recipients has gotten more bland and broadband, the valentines themselves have not.

Parents are now attaching candies, stickers, pencils and more to the cards, turning this once child-centric, self-select process into a parent competition. 

They throw parties, make special cakes and even decorate their homes. You really, really don’t have to do this. It can just be a day to tell someone you appreciate them. Stop the craziness and bring it back a notch. 

Here’s how:
• Let your kids choose or create their own valentine cards, with the expectation that they will hand sign their own cards. Start a few weeks in advance to avoid fighting with them the night of the 13th. Nothing says love like a child screaming “YOU DO IT, MOM.”
• Don’t attach extra items. The kids don’t need extra candy or stickers, and they don’t even like getting pencils. Homemade treats may be sweet, but if the parent of the recipient doesn’t know you or your child, odds are that it’s ending up in the garbage.    
• Don’t bring in Valentine’s Day treats for the classroom. Most teachers really dislike this: the disruption to the class, and the basic fear that allergic children might have something they shouldn’t. Save the treats for home, after dinner. Do they really need a cupcake at 2 o’clock in the afternoon?    
• Don’t send a valentine in to the teacher from yourself. While you might be making up for some questionable behaviour from your child, it’s kind of weird. Do you really want the teacher to be your valentine? I don’t think that’s allowed.
• Resist the urge to decorate a Valentine’s tree in your front yard. It’s not a thing.

Make or buy a simple card for each of your kids and maybe even your spouse. Put your cynicism aside and use Valentine’s Day as a reminder to let those you love, know you love them. No pencil or stickers required.

Kathy Buckworth is the author of I Am So the Boss of You: An 8-Step Guide to Giving Your Family the ‘Business.’ 

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