Starting today, TIFF Bell Lightbox is screening a new series starring two of Hollywood’s buffest behemoths: Arnold “I’ll be back” Schwarzenegger and Sylvester “I’m your worst nightmare” Stallone. From Conan the Barbarian to Cliffhanger, Schwarzenegger/Stallone: The Rise of Beefcake Cinema follows the trajectory of the post-Steve McQueen, pre-CGI superhuman action hero.
Below, our favourite moments from the non-franchise movies featured in the exhibition (because, really, how many times must we be subjected to Sly’s seriously wrecked face?) Now if we could just understand a word they were saying…
Conan the Barbarian
Conan gives the greatest answer to the greatest question in existence: “What is best in life?” (And for those who have trouble understanding him, he answers: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation their women.”) There’s no doubt about it: The Way of the Barbarian is for the straight-up hardcore bunch.
Demolition Man
What was supposed to be just a throwaway jab turned out to be (almost) prophetic when futuristic cop Sandra Bullock tells her partner, Stallone, that she recently checked some research materials out of the Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. Hey, if it weren’t for the Austrian thing, it could totally be true.
The Running Man
We’ll forgo one single clip in favour of showing the full-out trailer that proves that all of the best ideas from The Hunger Games were actually stolen from this movie, based on a Stephen King short story.
Cliffhanger
This action flick was entertaining as far as B-movies go, and it also had beautiful Colorado scenery and Stallone’s taut bod to boot, but by far the best scene of the movie was its heart-stopping opening.
Daylight
Before Stallone’s character comes in and saves the day (no pun intended), all eyes were on Viggo Mortensen’s character. Even before Viggo’s star-making turn in The Lord of the Rings, it was pretty clear then that he was a scene-stealer.
And just in case you were wondering what happened to these aging beefcakes, well, it looks like shoulder surgery is the new shape-shifting T-1000.
Schwarzenegger/Stallone: The Rise of Beefcake Cinema, TIFF Bell Lightbox, June 16 – Sept. 1
