Though we reported about TIFF Bell Lightbox’s upcoming exhibit, “Designing 007: Fifty Years of Bond Style,” back in April, TIFF recently announced some extra additions to the Bond bonanza, which kicks off Oct. 26, including three TIFF Cinematheque film programmes. In tribute to the suave spy, we present our favourite not-so-debonair deaths.
Dr. No (1962)
Obviously, you can’t tell Dr. No to get a grip, which is too bad, because it’s possible that if he didn’t have those weird metal hands, he would have stood a chance in that nuclear reactor (assuming he would have survived the ass-whupping from 007). But, alas, he is boiled alive, despite nuclear technology worthy of Homer Simpson.
Goldfinger (1964)
Firing Goldfinger’s gun probably wasn’t the best plan, because Bond could have been sucked out of the plane just as easily as Goldfinger. But he’s Bond, James Bond, so he’s got reflexes like a cat and is able to easily withstand the extreme depressurization. Unfortunately, the villain is not so lucky, and is deflated like a rushed soufflé.
Diamonds are Forever (1971)
In a Scooby-Doo-esque scene, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd pose as waiters serving up a gourmet meal to Bond and his female companion, which includes the ol’ bomb-in-a-cake trick. Bond catches onto them because he recognizes their cologne (apparently not their faces), and next thing you know, Mr. Kidd is getting ready to throw flaming shish kebabs at Bond. Luckily, Bond douses him with some booze and he combusts into flames. Then, Bond gives the ultimate wedgie to Wint (Bruce Glover, Crispin Glover’s father) before he straps a crotch bomb onto him and somersaults him into the dark sea.
Live and Let Die (1973)
In the bizarro world of Goldfinger, the drug lord, Kananga, dies from a case of inflation. That’s right. Bond stuffs some sort of bullet in his mouth as they’re brawling under water in a shark tank (the shark, for unknown reasons, leaves them alone to duke it out), causing Kananga first to inflate like one of those Macy Thanksgiving Parade balloons and then bursting just as quickly. Weird.
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
In what’s probably one of the slowest (read: boring) death scenes ever, Bond’s arch-nemesis, Blofeld (Mike Myers’ obvious inspiration for Dr. Evil, cat and all), who’s now wheelchair-bound, hijacks Bond’s chopper via remote. Bond regains control — not before doing some fancy “look at me!” death-defying stunts — and picks up Blofeld’s chair with the helicopter and drops him down a factory smokestack. Gotta love that closing ’80s music that makes sure we know Bond is in charge.
TIFF Bell Lightbox, 350 King St. W., Oct. 26-Jan. 20
