How to make Ontario Place the coolest venue of all time

Ontario Place is getting a revamp. According to the Globe, most of the park will be closed until 2017 as a panel led by John Tory (yes, that John Tory) tries to figure out how to make it a profitable, must-visit destination. While turning this quintessentially boring “amusement park” into something mind-blowing is no small order, we think it can be done with a bit of imagination. Below, our suggestions for making Ontario Place amazing.


  1. The world’s biggest Ferris wheel. Sure, Doug Ford’s dream waterfront was nothing short of a debacle. But that doesn’t mean that the world’s biggest Ferris wheel wasn’t an awesome idea.
  2. A better sphere. We all know that the Cinesphere is totally jealous of the globe at the Epcot Centre. Really, the two spheres should just be exactly the same. Also, the Cinesphere should play movies in 4-D (which, we’ve just learned, is a real thing).
  3. A publically-funded school for each and every religion that exists. And yes, that includes Scientology and The Church of the Universe.
  4. A LARPing arena. For those pathetically not in-the-know, Live Action Role Playing is pretty much the best thing ever. Toronto needs a venue. It should also be put underground, since everything is better underground, apparently.
  5. Momofuku. Just get one. Pull some strings.
  6. A red light district. Sure, Giorgio Mammoliti’s proposed red light district for Toronto Island may have sparked an outcry from the prudes in the city, but in Europe, these things are cash cows. So we’re giving Mammoliti the green light on this one. 
  7. A gigantic hedge maze. These are just plain awesome, though they tend to invite horrifying flashbacks of a maniacal ‘80s Jack Nicholson wielding an axe. Which is still awesome.
  8. Deep fried everything. Because a Krispy Kreme burger paired with deep-fried cola and a 4-D movie at the Cinesphere is an unbeatable combo.

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