In a world where everyone and everything happens in an instant, is it any wonder that the way we date has sped up, too? As I’ve recently experienced, today it is all about going straight from the first date to a seat in first class.
Here’s what happened.
So, I met this guy, everything is going great, but it is all really new. Then he pops the question.No, not marriage. After just two weeks and a handful of dates, he asked me to go to St. Lucia over the holidays. And, you know what? I’m seriously considering it.
That is part of what is so liberating about dating in your 30s — you’re a grown-up, with money to burn, and you can make your own decisions. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time to waste on guys that won’t work out in the long run. So, what better way to cull the herd than spending a week in a little hotel room.
Back in high school, I remember begging my parents to let me go away with my high school boyfriend to Cuba for March break. I was crying, and my mother was saying, “Who knows what can happen? You could get pregnant!” “I could get pregnant here!” I screamed back. “I don’t have to go to Cuba!”
After a knock-down, drag-out debate that stretched on for days, I was allowed to go away with him. We stayed at a crappy hotel (no money) barely ate (no money), but it was still fun and I didn’t come back pregnant.
Still, he had been my high school boyfriend for more than two years. These days there’s no courtship, no slow and steady dating rituals.
But, depending on the man of course, this could be a very beneficial development. In the past few years, a number of my friends and I have dated men that, after a date or two,went ahead and invited us to go away with them. This before we even knew their birthdays, if they snored and what their breath smells like in the morning.
Once, even before ordering dessert, my friend told me she was invited to go to Palm Springs. “We got along really well,” my friend said. “And I liked the idea of going away with him somewhere warm, but I was like, ‘Can you pay the bill first?’”
Once, I went on a date with a man who, when he dropped me off, suggested that we should go away the following weekend for a threeday spa trip.
Don’t get me wrong, I like spas, but I didn’t like him — certainly not enough to commit to spending three days and nights away with him. I couldn’t even commit to a second date. And still haven’t. But, at least I didn’t waste any more time with him. That’s the bonus, and it works both ways.
There was the man who invited me to Paris after we had known each other for three weeks. I had the time to go, he made me laugh, and J’adore Paris. So I went.
Yes, after knowing me for three whole weeks, he booked me a plane ticket. I ended up paying for my ticket, but not the hotel rooms.
It felt wrong to assume he’d pay for everything, and I didn’t want to be held responsible for anything. The trip wasn’t a disaster. But, it was probably the highlight of our relationship.
Another friend of mine went to Bermuda with a guy she had known for a week. It turned out to be a complete disaster, and she left early in tears. But at least she knew that he wasn’t the right man for her. Another friend, recently separated, just got back from a three-day weekend in New York, after knowing the man for two weeks.
“I figure I have the money, I love New York, and it’s nice to go with someone and be with someone. You can figure out quite quickly if that person annoys you when you travel,” she said. He did annoy her sometimes on the trip, but they are still dating and happy. The last man I was in a serious relationship with begged me for years to come with him when he went on three-month jaunts to Barbados where he rented a place with his ex-wife.
The whole “staying at the ex’s place” didn’t really appeal to me. But, finally, I buckled and stayed with him a few times and had the best time.
“There are no rules,” one of my girlfriends says. “If you feel like going away with him, then just do it. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Um, we could end up hating each other,” I said. She should know. My friend decided to go away on a fourth date to a spa in Tucson with a man she had known for less than a month. Without getting into the details, let’s just say she ended up booting him out of the room (and out of Tucson!) after one night.
“But I still had a really good time!” she said and laughed. There are no rules these days.
What could be so bad about spending New Year’s Eve on a beautiful island with a guy who makes you laugh and is laid-back?
I wonder what my parents would say to that?