Times are uncertain at Hostess Inc. Earlier this week, the company filed for bankruptcy protection, which begs the question: seriously, why aren’t people eating enough Twinkies? They’re sugary sweet and they fit in the palm of your hand. It’s even a fun word to say out loud. Say it: “Twin-kie.” Didn’t that feel nice?
Torontonians, though, have no need to worry about an impending Twinkie shortage. CTV reports that Saputo holds the rights to the Hostess brand in Canada and operates as a separate entity. (Phew.) But since everyone’s talking about it, here are five ways that Twinkies have helped shape our culture (for the better, of course).
1. Film and television. How else should one explain the magnitude of paranormal activity in New York City? With a Twinkie of course. In Ghostbusters, Egon’s 600-pound Twinkie analogy was kind of out of left field, but awesome nonetheless. Then there’s Twinkie the Kid, the mascot wrangler that wears gloves, boots and a 10-gallon hat. In a 1985 Twinkies commercial, he asked, “ever wonder how they get the creamy filling in the middle of a Twinkies cake?” to which one girl whizzing down a slide guessed, “it’s just born there!” Thank you for that moment, Twinkies.
2. Books. As part of its 75th anniversary, the folks at Hostess put together 112 pages of Twinkie recipes. Somehow, they thought the idea of combining everyday foods with the four-inch Twinkie was a great idea. You’d never think about eating any of it in your life: turkey stuffed with Twinkies, anyone? Also, if you are a Twinkie lover, Steven Ettlinger’s book, Twinkie, Deconstructed, might not be for you. He spent five years researching all 39 Twinkie ingredients. Who knew that Twinkies had cellulose gum in them (found in rocket fuel) and corn dextrin (the glue found on the seal of envelopes)? As a random side point, how cool is this name: Twinkie Chan? Chan hasn’t written any books, but aren’t you jealous your parents didn’t come up with that name for you? Just a little bit?
3. Nutrition. If you’re watching your weight (and clearly you’re not if you’re eating Twinkies), you may want to try the 10-week Twinkie diet. Last year, one professor ate a Twinkie or other packaged snack every three hours — instead of meals — and lost 27 pounds. Yep, eating junky, sickly sweets has it rewards. And, if you are openly trying to stack the weight on, you may want to try the deep-fried bacon-stuffed Twinkie. With so many things wrong about it, just go with the mantra that anything deep-fried has to be good.
4. Science. In 1995, Todd Stadler and Christopher Gouge dedicated themselves to the science of the Twinkie to determine its properties in a series of experiments. They zapped it with electricity (Twinkies pass no current), tested its gravitational response (its impact from a great height is small) and calculated how dense it is (for something that is 68 per cent air, Twinkies taste good).
5. Law. Ah, the “Twinkie defense.” During the ‘79 Dan White trial (the guy who murdered then-San Francisco mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk), White’s defense team argued that he had a diminished mental capacity, and shouldn’t be guilty of first-degree murder. Why? Because he ate sugar-laden foods like Twinkies, which meant that he was depressed.
And, if worse comes to worst and Twinkies do disappear from the face of the earth, you can always make your own.