When I was in university, an English professor of mine shared with me the secret of creating the semblance of worldliness: knowledge of classical music and wines (primarily the reds — he considered white wines to be vulgar). He assured me that in my field, amusing cocktail party conversation would never run dry with a ready knowledge of Tchaikovsky and the Médoc wine region of France on hand. (Note to reader: at the time, I was a freshman and believed I would be either an English professor or an author of historical fiction in the future.)
And so I immediately enrolled in The Art of Listening: an Introduction to Classical Music as an elective and dutifully attended all the English faculty readings and mixers to experience the variety of red wines being served as part of the refined refreshments. But it was these, the very sophisticated gatherings that were meant to develop my worldliness, that are to blame for my underdeveloped wine palette. Despite concentrating on the reds as advised — while always being mindful to swish the drink around in my glass before taking each sip with a nibble of cheese and fancy, thin, rich man saltines — four years of “experiencing” wine did nothing to mature my palette. The reason: 10 times out of 10 my wine experience was dispensed from a removable spout attached to a box.
The result of my early education in wine is that today, given the choice between an $800 or so bottle of Château Margaux vintage Bordeaux and a three-litre box of non-vintage Black Box Central Coast Cabernet Sauvignon coming in at around $20, my taste buds will never fail to side with the bag in the box. Socially, this means I am left trying to segue the conversation into a discussion about Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata every time someone asks me my thoughts on the wine in my hand.
Given this social anxiety, and the fact that it seems every bottle of wine Chef shares with me is wasted on my palette (including a pricey bottle he brought over on one of our first dates), he has been giving me lessons in the art of wine tasting. To put my schooling to test, Chef and I decided to do a test run of five red wines in search of the perfect bottle to take us from our New Year’s Eve roast dinner on through to the countdown to midnight.
Under Chef’s tutelage, I reviewed the wines alongside him according to the three critical categories that must be satisfied by a quality wine: look, smell and taste. For wine connoisseurs, you may prefer the bare exactness of Chef’s commentary. For the wine novice, here’s hoping my layman reviews lead you out of that dark burgundy tunnel.
Stone Dwellers Cabernet Sauvignon, 2009 (LCBO #212761). $19.95
Layman says:
Colour and consistency: the wine is not so dark that I can’t see my face clearly in the glass (from the top, I mean, because it’s in a tea cup). The colour is deep purple, like lips after eating cherry lollipops. Its consistency is as thick as runny gravy.
On the nose: I have a cold and am congested, but I can still manage to smell this; very much a grownup liquor scent strong enough that I can feel its warmth in my throat when I inhale. I detect no trace of fruits.
On the palette: I don’t like swishing this one because chewing on it, like Chef told me to do, makes my tongue feel waxy. It burns my throat a little going down, leaving a very warm residual sensation two notches below the heat in a swig of whiskey.
Chef says:
Colour and consistency: the wine is dark purple with a tinge of brown.
On the nose: I get blackcurrant, cooked stone fruit, some black pepper and a very potent alcohol scent.
On the palette: I get a lot of blackcurrant. It actually reminds me of Ribena. It’s full-bodied with a long finish characterized by notes of black pepper and vanilla.
Author’s note: I think it important to point out that with this first bottle, Chef already failed to indicate consistency. He blames the teacup, claiming he cannot accurately measure consistency, but then repeatedly fails to test consistency as he taught his pupil to do.
Ladies Who Shoot Their Lunch, Shiraz, 2008 (Vintages #243592). $34.95
Chef’s New Year’s Eve Pick!
Layman says:
Colour and consistency: we are now using clear glasses to house the wine. Chef, though, continues to complain because they are champagne glasses, not wine glasses. This wine appears light. It’s thin in consistency, and when I hold it up to light, it doesn’t look too dark but it’s not pale either. Chef is already on tasting so I have to move on to next stage fast.
On the nose: I realize that Chef is smelling, not tasting, and casually spit my wine back into my glass. I pick up a hint of pork and brussels spouts, but can’t figure out if that’s because of what I just did. I do smell some vanilla though.
On the palette: going down, this one is very warm, but far from a burning sensation. There’s a sweetness that turns warm and taste slightly acidic when I chew on it. There’s a bit of Christmas in there, some gingerbread and cinnamon. It tastes even better when it’s proceeded by a bite of the roast pork on my plate.
Chef Says:
Colour and consistency: colour is robust — it has an almost purple look to it, a very deep and dark red.
On the nose: I get strawberries and fragrant spices, including nutmeg and clove.
On the palette: this wine has some very complex flavours that are showcased through a nice mixture of ripe fruit and spice. There is a very enjoyable balance of acidity and residual sweetness here. The wine overall is dry.
Cupcake Vineyards Red Velvet, 2010 (LCBO #260851). $14.95
Layman’s New Year’s Eve Pick!
Layman says:
Colour and consistency: I can’t not talk about the bottle with its cute yet sophisticated label, accented by pretty blue flowers which make me think of France, and I think of France as a good place for wine, so this bottle is already ahead… even though it’s actually from California. As for the look of the wine itself, it’s thin and coloured like cranberry-grape juice.
On the nose: perhaps it’s the name that is suggestive, but this one really smells like chocolate and sweet icing to me.
On the palette: happily, when I swish the wine around in my mouth, it doesn’t leave my tongue feeling waxy. The first sip goes down easily with just a slight warming afterwards.
Chef says:
Colour and consistency: the colour of this one is blood red.
On the nose: I get ripe berries and a touch of spice.
On the palette: I get ripe blueberries with a residual sweetness that is balanced well by a note of bitterness. There is a very long finish, and I am left with flavours of chocolate and coffee.
Pelee Island Winery Pinot Noir VQA, 2010 (LCBO #135939). $12.95
Layman says:
Colour and consistency: the red of this wine is almost transparent. Its consistency is similar to water; doesn’t stick to the sides of the glass.
On the nose: very faint sour wine smell with, weirdly enough, a hint of plastic Barbie mixed in there.
On the palette: no warming after a sip of this thin wine. It tastes of cranberries. Not particularly enjoyable.
Chef Says:
Colour and consistency: the wine is a light red and a touch cloudy.
On the nose: it has almost a Cherry Blaster like smell to it. There is an especially tart scent to this wine.
On the palette: I first get a very faint touch of sweetness (the cherry), but then am hit with a tartness of green apple. Overall, a very acidic wine. The bottle recommends pairing with chicken pot pie and pastas, I would suggest combining it with Coca Cola.
Authour’s Note: Chef says that the duo smells of cherries and green apples create a very similar “flavour profile” to that of a cranberry.
Marziano Abbona Rinaldi Barbera d’Alba, 2008 (Vintages #216416) $19.95
Layman says:
Colour and consistency: the colour of this one is a medium deep grape. There’s a tad of sticky residue left on the sides of the glass when I swirl it around.
On the nose: when I smell this one, I can really feel it hot in the back of my throat; it smells a bit like ammonia.
On the palette: very strong on first sip with a strong bitterness to it. It tasted better with the roast dinner; there was no sense of burning going down then.
Chef says:
Colour and consistency: light in colour with a ruby tone to it.
On the nose: I get some strawberry, a bit of grass and a floral scent, but over all, there is a very potent alcohol smell to this wine.
On the palette: there is a dusty flavour to this wine, almost chemical in flavour; the taste of the alcohol is very prominent, but overall, the wine remains well-balanced with both sweet and tart notes.
Toronto-based writer Jennifer Lee is the editorial director of FILLER magazine, an online fashion and culture journal. She is also the co-editor of Hardly magazine, an arts-centric online teen publication for Canadian girls.
