As you’ve surely heard by now, Canada is getting new money. The new polymer bills will start circulating this November, with a new look, higher durability and new security features. Sure, it sounds good on the surface, but we’re suspicious. Since we couldn’t think of any real reasons to disagree with the new money, here are five absurd ones:
1. Showing off just got a whole lot less fun. The new bills are plastic-like, which means they probably won’t light cigars as well as the old ones.
2. Say goodbye to money origami. This one is pretty self-explanatory, but yeah, polymer doesn’t sound very foldable. The ancient art of money origami is bound for extinction.
3. Vintage is cool. The new look has too many holograms. It makes us feel like we belong in Back to the Future Part II’s future, or something.
4. Prepare to have your soul examined. Former Prime Ministers Sir Robert Borden and William Lyon Mackenzie King will still be on their respective bills, but in the new design, they apparently look you straight in the eye. That’s kind of creepy. We want money, not a staring contest.
5. They are recyclable. Doesn’t this sound like the most useless feature ever? Will they be accepted in home recycling bins? Or will we have to dispose of our money at special money-collecting depots? We predict most Canadians will simply throw their money into the garbage.