We have been in quarantine (or quarantini as we like to call it) for four weeks and have decided to bring you a quarantini edition of #MomTruths.
Here are the reasons why we, and other moms everywhere, are drinking our quarantinis:
1. It isn’t necessarily about the alcohol, it’s the fact that you hear Mom 755 million times a day.
2. You have to home school all of your slippery little suckers, who are all in a different grade with a different level. You have one computer for all three and you don’t know what to click to get to the damn link.
3. You did not go to teachers college.
4. You are trying to make money, teach them school, make sure they don’t die and also keep the house a tiny bit clean so you don’t get condemned.
5. Every time they take their clothes off, they seem to leave them all over the place. Then they come into your room in the morning and say, “Mom, I don’t have a T-shirt!” They don’t have a T-shirt because they wore all of their clothes yesterday — in one day. And you ended up doing laundry — all day! Thank God for Tide pods.
6. When Daddy’s home and looks at you and wonders why you are sitting down. It’s called relaxation. Don’t judge me!
7. You haven’t washed yourself in days. And your hair is so dirty that it could stand up by itself.
8. You never thought you would be in a situation where you had to spend 24/7 with your children, all day, for months. Now they’re home, you are their teacher AND you’re supposed to bring home an income.
9. Because the people that live in your house disrespect their leader. I’m the leader of the house. Respect me dammit!
10. You can’t even go to the bathroom without hearing someone fight.
11. At the end of the night, when you thought you weren’t tired enough from having someone touch and scream and yell at you all day, there’s one more person who wants to touch you. Your spouse!
12. There’s too many hours in the day.
13. You have no idea when this is going to end.
14. You’re trying to stay so positive.
15. You are unable to ground yourself in gratitude. You are grateful for your health, your family and your children, but you are losing your mind.
At the end of the day, there’s not much else you can do to have fun. And if you’re not laughing, you’re crying — or drinking.