MOST UPLIFTING

REFORMED STEROIDAL GIGOLO

Aaron Berg in The Underbelly Diaries

How did a nice Jewish boy from North York become a steroid user, male stripper and gigolo?

It all started when my girlfriend left me for a huge bodybuilder. I thought I could win her back if I muscled up. I was wrong.

What was it like to be on ’roids?

It’s the closest a man can get to understanding PMS. The emotional roller coaster is infinite.

What was your first time stripping like?

I went onstage as a construction worker at a bar in Orillia and I pocketed 27 bucks — so, a little less than glamorous.

 

RAPPING PIRATE

The Blackheart Princess

You’re a rapping pirate. Aside from watching old Sinbad music videos, how did you prepare for this role?

Let’s just say I spent some quality time with Johnny Depp and dusted off my old Vanilla Ice album.

Why has pirating become suddenly vogue again?

The economic downturn helped, but who doesn’t look great in a peasant blouse?

 

OBNOXIOUS LADY WALKS BLOOR

Evelyn Reese’s Walking Tour

Tell us a bit about Evelyn Reese.

My pleasure.

…OK, moving on. What surprises are in store for your walking tour of Bloor & Bathurst?

Perhaps a visit to the exact location of my first affair after moving to Toronto.… I might run into an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit, but it might take the audience unawares.

 

FREAKY GERMAN ROCKERS

Die Roten Punkt — Kunst Rock

Describe your act in three words.

 

Explosive, indie, rock.

You’re a blend of …

B-52s, Kraftwerk and the Ramones

Your craziest fans are apparently Canadian. Why such a strong following in Canada?

I’m not sure!… In Winnipeg, we play “Ich Bin Nicht ein Roboter (I Am a Lion)” and people put on furry lion hats!

 

GET HELD HOSTAGE IN A VAN
 

The Getaway

The audience are taken hostage; 50 minutes later they’re returned safely. What happens in the interim?

They witness a business plan that goes terribly awry and watch a helpless man fall victim to love & circumstance.

With fuel costs and only six seats in the getaway van, how do you turn a profit?

This is theatre. There is no such thing as profit.