Back when I was a haggis virgin — so, last week — I thought the experience of eating this Scottish bro-food would be more, I don’t know, empowering. Haggis is offal stuffed inside offal; a textbook gross thing. I expected a frumpy dish, one that would be in some way offensive. I expected trepidation followed by a sense of victory. I got none of these things.
What I got was something that bordered on pretty, garnished with too-artisanal microgreens and parsnip chips. It was a symmetrical thing, a layered tower, with a patty of I’m going to say meat loaf set atop a bed of mashed root veg. There was a dainty rivulet of gravy. Conquering this would not earn anyone any kind of metaphysical badge of honour.
I blame the Internet for tainting my expectations.
This significant life moment — my first soiree with haggis, that is — took place at The Caledonian, a Scottish pub near College and Ossington. It is a pleasant place, with an admirable selection of Scottish beers. Haggis makes multiple appearances on the menu: it’s available as a main, as a side or as an appetizer in the form of fritters.
I ate The Caledonian’s haggis twice, and I’m still not sure exactly what is in it, because staff members seemed intent on not putting me in touch with the chef (one employee didn’t know the chef’s contact information “by heart,” while another said that the chef did not have an email address. Was anyone around who knew what went into the haggis? “No”).
Traditionally, haggis is made from rando sheep parts such as heart, liver and lungs, which is probably why it has a bad rap. The organs are minced up with oats, spices and suet (fat, essentially) and then stuffed into a sheep’s stomach. It’s pretty much a sausage, but more extreme. It’s Scotland’s national dish, and Scottish people are proud of it in a weird stoic way, kind of like Canadians are with poutine.
This particular haggis, for the most part, is forgettable pub food. It’s no more adventurous than ordering a hamburger. Certainly not gross in any way, but not great either. The menu describes it as “lamb, oats and spices.” Mostly, it just tastes like shepherd’s pie with oatmeal in it (too much oatmeal, in my opinion). It’s served without a casing, and if it contains much in the way of offal, it’s not immediately apparent. It also costs $16, which seems like a lot to charge for sheep scraps.
Conclusion: I remain hopeful that gross haggis exists in Toronto. It’s just not at The Caledonian.
Jon Sufrin is the editor of PostCity.com. For his column, Eating Gross Things, he eats things that are widely considered to be gross and writes about it. He has no scientific method to determine what “gross” means. The article is just meant to be fun, so relax. For more of his thoughts on stuff, gross and not, follow him on Twitter. If you would like to suggest a gross food item for him to try, email him at jonsufrin@postcity.com.
