Change is the only constant and when it comes to your sex life, change is a good thing. Research shows that though sexual frequency may decline with age, satisfaction, connection and orgasms can increase over time — especially with the right partner.
A look at sex throughout the decades of your life shows just that.
In your thirties: Married thirtysomethings report having partnered sex just under once per week on average, but for the first time in history, most Canadian parents are having their first child in their early thirties. This means that data related to frequency will need to be updated to reflect the typical lack of sleep, hectic schedules, hormonal shifts and lifestyle adjustments associated with parenthood.
If you’re a new parent in your thirties and are dealing with a dip in libido or overall exhaustion, fret not. It isn’t uncommon to forgo sex for months at a time after a birth.
However, this need not result in a decline in connection as long as you keep expressions of affection high and make time to DIY should the mood strike you. Solo sex can relieve tension, improve circulation, balance hormones, boost body image and increase libido during periods of transition.
In your forties: Thirty may be the new twenty, but forty is right on its heels as the new sexual prime. Though women’s sex hormones decrease significantly and men’s testosterone continues to gradually decline (T levels drop about one per cent per year after the age of thirty), many people report an increase in sexual desire.
Evolutionary theorists attribute this renewed interest in sex to the low survival rate of children in earlier times — we may have evolved to crave more sex as fertility levels drop to “replace” children lost to famine, disease or harsh living conditions.
On average, fortysomethings have sex 69 times per year, and women often report an increase in satisfaction and more orgasms than in younger years.
In your fifties: Your fifties may be marked by new challenges associated with age-specific physical changes including vaginal dryness, weight gain and slower erections. However, the key to maintaining an active sex life is simple.
“Knowledge is power,” says Dr. Laurie Betito, author of The New Sex Bible For People Over 50. “Understanding the changes and adapting to them by moisturizing your vagina, for example, will continue to make sex thoroughly enjoyable.”
You’ll likely want to spend more time on foreplay (hooray!) and expand your repertoire to keep things spicy.
In addition to broadening your sexual horizons, you may also want to examine your fitness routine, as exercise can attenuate hormone-related changes. Weight gain may significantly impair libido, as higher body fat is associated with lower free testosterone, but research shows that just 20 minutes of physical activity results in an improvement in sexual functioning including lubrication, erection and orgasm.
In your sixties: The sixty-year-old couples I work with say they’re having the best sex of their lives, as their kids have moved out, work-related stress has subsided, and they’re confident in their communication skills. In fact, three-quarters of sexually active adults over the age of sixty say that sex is even better than it was in their forties.
According to Joan Price, author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain — or Regain! — a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, sex in your sixties can be red-hot as long as you “let go of the expectation that older-age sex will be like young sex.” She sees the results of aging as sexual bonuses.
“If arousal and orgasm don’t come easily, that’s an opportunity to explore strategies, techniques, communication skills, and sex toys that will put the ‘oh, yes!’ back in your sex life. For every problem, there is a solution — with information, creativity, and a sense of humour,” says Price.
In your seventies: Septuagenarians’ sex lives may be vastly understudied, but the limited data suggest that sex remains an important part of our lives into our seventies and beyond.
A recent Swedish study found that the majority of those over seventy are highly satisfied with their sex lives, and the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, out of the U.S., reports that 23 per cent of partnered women and 63 per cent of partnered men over seventy are still having sex “a few times per month to weekly.”
Sex may be redefined to include a broader range of activities and a lesser emphasis on intercourse as we age, but the shift from quantity to quality is accompanied by an increase in intimacy and satisfaction. Those who maintain satisfying sex lives into their seventies and eighties tend to be happy and healthy with many attributing their longevity to their zest for love, life and sex!
Jess O’Reilly is a sought-after speaker, author and sexologist (www.SexWithDrJess.com).
