Let me be honest and say that last year I had possibly the saddest Valentine’s Day ever.
I had a boyfriend, but we broke up two days before Valentine’s Day and then got back together a couple days after Valentine’s Day. Oh, how convenient you may think. But, the truth is I think the breakup was kind of my fault. I put so much pressure on the guy that I think he lost it, temporarily.
But I’m not entirely to blame. I was dating the one guy in North America who didn’t know that Feb. 14 is Valentine’s Day.
Although it seemed funny at the time, looking back it wasn’t so funny. I actually sent him an e-mail with directions of what to get me like I was writing out a map. I directed him to the website and the bracelet. I think I annoyed him so much he just wanted to hide from me.
But Valentine’s Day is important to me. Yes, yes, it’s a made-up day. I don’t care! My thought is that you can’t go wrong with a piece of jewellery. And that’s what I wanted. When we finally made up, the guy gave me the present, which was still in the FedEx envelope. I give him a B+ for actually getting me the gift, but he would have received an A if he had actually wrapped it or bothered to take it out of the envelope.
For the majority of women, even those who say it’s a “Hallmark holiday,” they still want to be acknowledged.
The man I’m dating now always brings me flowers. I was telling this to my friend, as we discussed the big V-Day, and mentioned that, since he always gets me flowers, he’d have to do something different.
“Are you kidding me?” my single friend said. “I would give anything for a guy to give me flowers! If I’m on the subway on Valentine’s Day and see all the men rushing around with flowers in their hands, I get jealous.”
But what I’m really getting at is a way to decode what a Valentine’s Day gift says about how the man in your life feels about you.
Flowers are definitely sweet and so are chocolates, the standard gifts on Valentine’s Day. Now, I hate to be so demanding, but I think that flowers and chocolates may show a man cares, but there’s not much effort or creativity involved.
I spoke with a number of women about decoding Valentine’s gifts, and it turns out that all of them want to be acknowledged on Valentine’s Day, and, moreover, they want gifts. And, the right kind of gifts. It has nothing to do with the price tag.
“I agree flowers are nice, but not creative,” says one woman. “But my husband knows what my favourite flowers are, so he gets me those, which does make it a little more special.”
Another one of my friends says, “One of my exes bought me this cheesy red lingerie set and it was the worst quality. It wasn’t from La Perla. It was like from some crappy department store,” she says. “It was more a gift for him than it was for me.”
This is where men have to be careful. Sexy lingerie, if it’s good quality, is a nice gift. But slutty lingerie, let’s be honest, is really a gift for him not for her.
Another friend moaned about her boyfriend getting them a couple’s massage. Most people would think this is nice, right? “It was nice for him! He loves massages, and I can take them or leave them. And I’m so not into couple’s massages. I can’t relax at all with someone right next to me. It doesn’t do anything for me. He knows this. He just really wanted a massage,” she says. Another friend is all about giving an A for effort when it comes down to decoding Valentine’s Day. Her boyfriend once sent her on a treasure hunt, starting at a video store and ending up at a fancy restaurant. “It was so much fun and it must have taken him so much time to plan. So he definitely gets an A for that.”
Another friend’s most memorable Valentine’s Day involved a book of all their dating memories including movie and concert stubs and photos. “I still have it. It may seem cheesy to some people, but I loved it.”
Another friend’s boyfriend sent her a huge bag of her favorite candy. “It wasn’t an expensive gift, but he did have to order them from the States, and it showed that he really listened to what I like,” she says.
All the women I talked to do feel bad for men because of the pressure we put on you poor fellas. “I can buy myself whatever I want,” says one friend. “So it’s not so much about the present. It’s about showing appreciation, romance and effort. It’s not about money.” This year, I’m not putting pressure on anyone. I do feel bad for men, too. So my advice is don’t worry so much about the gift just worry about the effort.
And, lose the FedEx package!
