Sangita Patel is Streets of Toronto’s new advice columnist and was previously an entertainment reporter with ET Canada. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters.ย
Dear Sangita: I think my parents love my boyfriend more than me. They’ve only known him for two years, and they often try to hang out just with him. It makes me feel like they don’t love me. What should I do?ย โ Fourth wheel
Dear Fourth: Itโs kind of weird that they only want to hang out with him and not you, and itโs wrong for them to say that heโs too good for you โ thatโs the wrong message. They may just be joking, but if youโre sensitive to it, you should acknowledge it. I think your parents may just be on a high that you found someone so special. A lot of in-laws donโt get along with the partner, and youโre in a special place where youโre not even married and your parents are in love with your partner. It took a long time for my dad to say, โYouโre good enough for my daughter!โ So this is not necessarily a bad thing. To embrace this situation, organize something that you like to do and invite both your parents and your boyfriend so you feel like youโre in charge of the environment. If you have a bit more control, youโll be part of the narrative again.
Dear Sangita: My husband is pretty good at doing his part at home. He cooks, cleans, grocery shops, all of that. But every time we visit his parents, he becomes lazy and expects me to do everything the way his dad expects his mom to do everything. How do I bring this up with him? โ Woe is wife
Dear Woe:ย The truth is, when you visit your in-laws, they might have a certain way they do things. There are cultural or generational situations where the men will all hang out at the couch while the women are in the kitchen doing the cooking and cleaning. Parents are going to spoil their sons โ Iโm speaking from experience here! Itโs unfortunate that he does this at his parentsโ place, but thatโs hard to change. What isnโt OK is if he brings that attitude of expecting you to do certain things for him home with him.
I suggest you ask him, โIs this how we do this at home?โ I would put it in your husbandโs court to answer. When you ask, โDo you think this is the right thing for you to be asking me?โ, youโll see how quickly heโll realize heโs in the wrong.ย ย
Dear Sangita: ย I’ve been dating my partner for two years now, and I don’t like her friends. They’re overbearing with her and judgmental of her life decisions. I want to be honest with her, but I don’t think she’ll want to hear it. What should I do? ย โ Best friends for never
Dear Best: My husband has his own life, I have my own life, and then we have a life together, which means respecting each otherโs spaces and friends. I don’t like the fact that they are treating her in a negative way, but sheโs been friends with these women for so long, so maybe they have a sibling-type relationship where theyโre just honest with each other in a way that someone on the outside would perceive as being rude. If you feel uncomfortable hanging out with them, then donโt! But you need to respect her relationship with her friends, even if you donโt understand it.
