Sangita Patel is Streets of Toronto’s new advice columnist and was an entertainment reporter with ET Canada. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters.
Dear Sangita: My best friend started dating this guy she’s liked for a long time. They seemed good together, until we all went to this party and he got super drunk and decided to hit on me. I can’t get over what he did. Do I tell her? — Bestie in a pickle
Dear Bestie: I think you should tell her right away. I know it’s a tough decision because, if you tell her that her boyfriend hit on you, she might get upset with you., But at the same time, you’re helping her from future pain. I had a friend who was dating a guy who I thought was great, and then I saw his true colours. They got married, and she went through a lot. A few years later they ended up getting divorced, and in hindsight I wish I had said something. I think she knew she wanted out of that relationship, but she needed someone else for encouragement. So yes, I think you should say something. If you don’t want to say it yourself, go to him and give him a deadline — he has to tell her by Friday or you will. I’ve done that before, when I knew a guy who cheated on his fiancée, and he listened and he did the right thing.
Dear Sangita: I recently lent my friend $1,000 in February and $2,000 in June. He told me he could repay the first loan by the end of the year. When he asked for another loan, my instincts said no, but after several conversations I gave in. I trusted him and felt that he was honest with me, but now I wish I had something in writing. Do I forget it, forget our friendship or demand my money back? — Repayment regrets
Dear Regrets: We’ve all been through this! He said he’s going to pay you by the end of the year, so you have to wait until the end of the year to decide. You don’t want to lose a friendship and you don’t want to lose your money, so you lose out in both situations if you don’t continue that friendship with him. Personally, I’ve given money to close family and friends, thinking I’ll get the money back, and it hasn’t happened. But I chose to let it go and told myself I was in a position to give to someone who needed it. Maybe in 10 years, I’ll get it back! And if your gut was telling you not to give him another $2,000, you shouldn’t have! You need to own that decision.
Dear Sangita: My in-laws are not great people — awful to my partner and awful to me. I’ve dealt with that by setting up some boundaries about when and how I see them. Now that we’re having a kid, they suddenly want to be more involved in our lives. Do I have to sacrifice some of my sanity for my kid’s relationship with their grandparents? — In-law invasion
Dear Invasion: When it comes to your child, those first years are so crucial for taking care of yourself and your baby. Nothing else matters. Nobody else’s opinion matters in that year. The in-laws will have their time later, this is the last thing you need to think about. Keep your boundaries! Later, you might want to make sure you are present when they’re visiting your kid, especially in their younger years. I was always with my kids at first, to make sure they were being treated the way I wanted. Once they get older, they can speak for themselves and you can hopefully take a step back.
Have a question about love, relationships or life for Sangita? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org or submit it here.