A man looks over the shoulder of a woman who is looking at her phone

Dear Sangita: I found out the guy I’m dating slept with my sister

Sangita Patel is Streets of Toronto’s new advice columnist and was previously an entertainment reporter with ET Canada. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters. 


 

Dear Sangita: I just started dating someone new, and I found out he slept with my sister in the past. I really like him, but this is really bothering me, and I’m finding it hard to see a future with him now. Am I overreacting? — Tired of hand-me-downs

Dear Tired: If you feel like this now, it’s going to bother you forever. I don’t know how much information you have about the situation — whether your sister had feelings for him or whether it was a one-night stand, for example — but at the core of it, you feel icky about it, right? Even though you like him, if you can’t get over it, maybe it’s time to cut your losses. 

Some people could get over this; I don’t think I could. I couldn’t imagine being with a guy who has been with my sister. But I think you need to be honest with him and leave. Don’t beat around the bush, just be straight up — “You slept with my sister, and I just can’t get over it.” He can’t argue with that — it’s just how you feel. If you aren’t honest now, this is unfortunately a story that’s going to linger with you forever. 

Dear Sangita: I’ve become best friends with someone at work, and now I’ve just found out from my boss that she’s being laid off. My boss told me not to tell her, but I’m finding it impossible to be around her — especially because she just told me she’s going to sign an expensive lease for a house. What should I do? — Workplace gossip gone wrong

Dear Workplace: I would tell her. She’s your best friend at work, and this is going to be heartbreaking for her. Yes, there’s confidentiality, but in this case, she is your best friend and you have information that’s going to really impact her. Hopefully your friend doesn’t tell your boss that you told her. There are ways to say it, especially with the lease — you can tell her that maybe don’t lease that house right now, jobs aren’t stable here right now. Or you can say that you heard people are getting laid off so to hold off on any big decisions. Or  you can just be straight up — our boss is laying people off, and I know it includes you. 

And as a side note: I don’t know why your boss told you this information; that’s something very confidential and you should have never been put in this situation. 

Dear Sangita:  All is great with my boyfriend. Except for the fact that he doesn’t love my dog. We’ve been dating for a year now, and he’s getting … weird. He ignores her when she begs to be pet at the door and has made mean comments about her “yipping.” I think it’s a deal breaker if he hates my dog! Do I confront him?  — Dogs before dudes

Dear Dogs:  I think you just need to say, “Do you not like my dog?” I think it’s fair for him to say he’s not a dog lover. But if your dog is a huge part of your life, you want your partner to be part of that experience. If it’s getting to the point where your boyfriend is not even enjoying the pet, and you’re already feeling that something is off, how do you think this will eventually affect your relationship? The worst thing would be if you started changing the way you take care of your dog because of the way your partner is behaving. So you need to confront the situation now, before it gets any worse.

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