“ARE YOU WORRIED people are going to think you’re a cougar?” my editor asked, after I begged not to go to the first-ever cougar convention in Canada. “No, that’s not it,” I wrote back. “It just sounds horrid.”
Sometimes, this pampered princess can’t help but judge a book by its cover.
The book in question was penned by the notorious Torontonian Valerie Gibson, Queen Cougar, who pioneered the term in her 1991 bestseller Cougar: A Guide for Older Woman Dating Younger Men.
She’s a keynote speaker at the cougar shindig Mr. Editor is forcing me to attend.
“A cougar is the new breed of single, older woman — confident, sophisticated, desirable and sexy. She knows exactly what she wants,” Gibson says.
“What she wants is younger men and lots of great sex.What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation or commitment. It’s an irresistible combination for younger men who are more than willing to seek out these sleek and sexy cougar women.
Whatever. First off, I like children. I would like to be committed (and I do get a lot of great sex … with men my own age or older.)
Before agreeing to the cougar convention, I talk with Rich Gosse, chairman of the Society of Single Professionals and “executive producer” of Cougar Events.
I need to know what I’m getting myself into.
Apparently, any woman over 35 years of age can attend. “So now 35-yearolds are cougars?” I ask, trying to hide my displeasure.
“Technically, a cougar is 40 and over,” he says. (Phew! I still have a few years.) “You’re what we’d call a cougar in training,” he adds. (Good grief.) But what could be in it for a pampered princess? He explains that he’s trying to attract a higher-end group of people.
“Most cougars have their own homes and great jobs.… Most of them have had husbands and are not looking for men to support them or pay the mortgage. They’ve been there, done that.They are just looking to have fun.
He says there’s such a strong demand for cougars that he can’t find enough to go around. A few months ago, in Australia, during a torrential downpour, 600 people showed up to his event. Interestingly, he says that it’s the young men, not the older women, who have the problem finding mates.
“These young men don’t have a lot of money, and girls their own age won’t give them a chance. Let’s face it, because it’s the truth, most young women are looking for a man who can pay a mortgage and to have children with, and a lot of young men don’t want that.
“Why wouldn’t an older woman want to date a man who has high energy, a full head of hair and doesn’t need Viagra? Aside from maybe the money issue, younger men are better in every other category.
He does have a point.
Gosse explains that the young men are called “cubs.” (There’s a whole lingo in this world. Also, a woman over the age of 50 is not a “cougar” but a “panther.
I ask if cubs and cougars ever stay together for the long haul (Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner, the most famous of cougar and cub hookups, comes to mind.)
“Cougars have to be careful and know their long-term goals. Most cougars do want love over the long term, but they have to make sure that their cub doesn’t want children.
Despite my desire for a soothing foot massage or over-the-top spa treatment, I lose the battle with my editor, and here I am on Friday night at the Tattoo Rock Parlor on Queen Street.
I did, however, profess that I had to be home early to free the babysitter so would, sadly, miss the crowning of Miss Cougar Canada. (I did, but I also had a date coming over that night, who, mind you, was 40, four years older than me! See why I’m not a cougar?)
Gosse told me that if I wanted to win Miss Cougar Canada, I would have to dress my very best.And flirt … a lot.. I show up wearing flip flops and don’t shower and have a scowl on my face. But I go.
Outside a big crowd has shown up, including a lot of media. At the end of the day, it is a funny story.
The cougars and cubs are slow to arrive (Seriously? Is that bouncer really checking IDs? These women are old!) I meet Gale Frost, who won’t give her age but tells me she has four grandchildren. She’s been dating a 36- year-old cub for five months now. (She admits there is more than a 20-year age difference.)
“On our first date, he arrived with a red rose for me. He’s very intelligent. We can talk. We can really talk. And he’s not interested in children at all.We can’t even be at a restaurant if there are children around,” she says. (And, yes, the sex is great.)
She says she has received more affection from her new, younger man than she had in 25 years of marriage. As the club fills up with cubs and cougars (who seem to like leopard prints), other women and men I talk to have shown up just to “check it out.” It feels like any other singles’ gathering.
I meet Erik, 25, a sales representative for Cintas Canada. I ask if he would sleep with a 60-year-old. “If she was a badass 60-year-old.”He laughs. Erik is, no doubt, a handsome boy. Unfortunately, I keep thinking he reminds me of my little brother. He came with two friends to check it out.
“Why not? Girls my age are so materialistic. And they won’t let you talk. You can barely get a word in,” he says. He wants me to sit and chat.
“You know who is really attractive though?” he asks, “that bartender.
So maybe he will get lucky. Just not with a cougar, or even this trainee.
