Though thus far the spread of H1N1 hasn’t proved terrifying, we continue to make the assumption that it is going to rise to pandemic levels this season. We have been wrong before. However, waiting to see if it will be as bad as predicted is not an option. We must all assume the worst and be prepared.

H1N1 is a real nasty little “bugger.” Any decent virus would at least take a break in the summertime, but H1N1 persisted throughout the warm months. With school back in session and children mingling more than in the summer months, the risk is higher. The virus loves to reside where people assemble.

The only possible way we might have stopped H1N1 would have been to not open any schools until at least two weeks after all attending children were vaccinated with the H1N1 vaccine and had shown documentation to confirm this. That is what was attempted in Kuwait. However, many factors made such a plan practically impossible in Canada.

What do you need to know to keep your kids healthy? First, it is known that the incubation stage for H1N1 is approximately four days. The total illness from start to finish may be up to two weeks. During both the incubation phase and the acute illness phase the virus may be spread by droplets (from sneezing, coughing or even tears).

The virus can also live on surfaces for several hours or days.

Will wearing masks help prevent the spread of H1N1? The answer is yes, but only if one wears a personally fitted N95 mask and wears it properly. So ultimately, the answer is no. Wearing any other type of mask will likely give a false sense of security, causing people to be more casual about their behaviour and the potential spread of the virus.

The only positive effect of wearing a mask is that it will help decrease the amount of touching of the nose and mouth by the hand and thus lessen the spread of the virus on surfaces or directly by touch. Face masks in general are very uncomfortable to wear — and all too often will be removed — to be of any real help.

When we send our kids off to school, are we throwing them into a cesspool of disease? The answer is absolutely not. Schools around the world are doing their best to prevent the spread of the virus. Hand-sanitizing stations are in place. Common surfaces are washed more often. Tissues are in abundance. Children are being taught to “sneeze into their sleeve.” More wastepaper containers have been made available. The schools are doing their part.

Schools are also reviewing, on a regular basis, their methods of prevention of virus spread. Teachers are on high alert to watch for any child with symptoms of an upper respiratory tract infection and have been tasked with taking the appropriate measures to get any ill children home safely.

What can parents and caregivers do at home? Previously, you may have sent a child to school with a mild upper respiratory tract infection, particularly if the child was not feeling ill. These days, that would be a mistake. The seemingly mild, initial symptoms of a respiratory tract infection are the initial symptoms of H1N1 and will last for two to three days before the more serious symptoms become apparent. During these first days of mild illness, the child is extremely contagious, spreading high volumes of the virus.

It is therefore extremely important to keep such children home from school. Although this may be difficult for many families to manage, it is essential. Everyone must realize how serious this disease can be and take the appropriate measures to prevent its spread.

The bottom line is that it is virtually impossible to prevent the spread of H1N1. Children are still children. Their hands are constantly touching their faces, and their games (playing catch or ball for example) spread germs. That said, there is a lot we can do. The most important thing is education.

Teach your children how to prevent the spread of droplets and how to properly use hand sanitizer. Your job is to keep a constant vigil for the beginning of any viral illness. I highly recommend vaccinating all children over six months of age. My grandchildren will certainly be vaccinated.

Now that my kids are on the safe side of 20, it’s clear who they are. I sigh with relief and jump for joy that we raised two resourceful, kind, hard-working young adults who make good choices and have plenty of drive to do both good and well in the world.

But ’twas not always thus.

There was a time, when my son (a.k.a. Party Boy) was 14, and I made phone calls to four or five moms in the neighbourhood to talk about drugs. I said to them that I thought the boys were smoking a lot of dope, including probably on school nights, and I proposed that we parents meet to problem solve.

As individuals we were powerless against the lying, cheating teen juggernaut. Short of putting kids on house arrest, there was no way to stop them using any available “empty” (parent-free house) to smoke up.

I had been telling my kids for years to say no to drugs. This (the “ostrich” approach) worked great for my peace of mind — until I found out that my telling them not to do it was about as effective as telling my dog not to run away in the park. As parents it is so hard for us to accept that our teens disobey our directives routinely — almost for fun.

And once I accepted that, my parenting strategies became more realistic.

Hence my shock at the other moms’ reactions. They all said pretty much the same thing: “Oh, my son would never do that.” At which point I knew two things: 1) What my son would be doing at their houses and 2) I was on my own.

Those two realizations led to two choices: 1) Let it go or 2) Beard the lion in his den. The first alternative neither meshed with my parenting style nor offered peace of mind. I was terrified that my child was in danger of going down a bad path; it was clear that my admonitions about drugs being not good for him weren’t exactly achieving success.

I recalled my definition of “stupid” (the person who does the same thing over and over again even though it doesn’t work) and girded my loins for a new tack.

The only approach I could figure out was to start an honest conversation, in hope that if we could open those blocked lines of communication. I had a shot at gaining influence. Which began with the unimaginable (to many parents) admission that I knew what he was doing drug-wise and was not going to freak out about it. That surprised him, and suddenly we were in the room together.

The next step, which unfolded over several years, involved me sitting on my hands (oftentimes literally, as a memory aid) and listening non-judgmentally. This of course is that hardest thing for us to do as parents of teens because we persist in the pathetic illusion that if we talk enough we can change their behaviour.

Truth: We can only make them lie more — which is the opposite of communication.

So I listened … and listened. To stories of partying, drugs and alcohol. Pretty soon after I started listening, the miracle occurred: I could see his face change when we talked.

I could see his ears open occasionally to me. If we stay quiet enough, when teens talk, we catch those rare moments.

I thought out in advance what was really important to say to him and used those moments to deliver my key messages: 1) If you smoke dope on a school night I’ll kill you (just kidding, but it was important). 2) Never never never any other drugs. 3) Practice moderation. I think he preferred not lying to me, and I know that he was pretty good about the three big points — because I paid close attention.

Part of this strategy involved not being out of the house very often after 10 p.m. on weekends and smelling his breath (for smoke and mints) when he came home on weeknights. When teens hung around my house, I made a round every half hour to make sure everyone was safe.

The strategy made this phase of parenting as onerous as parenting a toddler — just a different kind of supervision. It was like teaching your little one to cross the street — far too important and risky to abdicate parental responsibility by looking the other way.