So a guy walks into a bar…

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MISTER MOCKERY

COLIN MOCHRIE

Q: Who would win in an arm wrestle: you or Jeff Foxworthy?

I am highly competitive, have strong forearms and am a big cheater. I would win.

Q: What’s the best recovery technique when a joke bombs?

I personally wouldn’t know. I’ll have to ask Brad Sherwood.

Q: What can we expect of your show at Just For Laughs?

We like to say it’s a live version of Whose Line — without the tall guy, the black guy or the rich guy. Everything starts with the audience, with audience members onstage, totally improvised — then hilarity ensues.

FIGHTIN’ WORDS

DANNY BHOY

Q: What should we know about Scotland?

That actually we invented ice hockey. Wow! Calm down. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Q: How are Canadians and Scots similar?

We both have to tell people that we’re not from where they think we’re from whenever we travel abroad.

Q: How did you get your start as a comedian?

Basically, I spent most of my childhood being thrown out of class for trying to be funny. A more precise answer would be that I got up onstage one night in Edinburgh, when I was drunk in 1999, and told some jokes.

PARLIAMENT PRANKSTER

SHAUN MAJUMDER

Q: If you were prime minister for a day, what would you change?

The length of the term in office.

Q: What’s the latest trend in stand-up?

There’s a solid trend of solid colours with subtle accessories, like funny-sounding parents and a fish-out-of-water story, that can sometimes cause one to feel compassion for the plight of the performer.

MISS MANNERS

DEBRA DIGIOVANNI

Q: With so many star comedians in town, what part of our city are you most proud to show off?

Toronto’s hot guys. Seriously, we are an alarmingly attractive city, and not only are the men cute, they’ll also smile at you!

Q: If you weren’t a comedian, what would you be?

In a mental institution. Or a high school art teacher.

Q: Name a star you want to marry.

Shia LeBeouf. That kid needs to be taught some manners, and I’m the one to do it.

BORN AND CRAZED

JEREMY HOTZ

Q: What do you tell people about your beloved Toronto?

That it’s the capital of Chinatown.

Q: Why are you so damned funny?

Because I can’t dance.

Q: What is the most hilarious reaction someone’s ever had to one of your jokes?

One guy laughed so hard his glass eye popped out and rolled across the stage. It was hilarious until I had to go get it.

Pride without the prejudice

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CAROLE POPE

THE ANTI-DIVA / MUSICIAN

Q: The Pride Parade is to Toronto as…

Beaver is to Canada.

Q: Name three items I should bring to have a great time.

1. Girl 2. Beer 3. Water

Q: What’s your favourite part of Toronto Pride Week?

Walking along Church Street because it’s like being engulfed in a giant love fest.

Q: What’s Anti-Diva, your book-turning-movie, about?

Sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll.

Q: What can we expect from your show at Pride Week?

Sex, sarcasm and killa music.

NIK RED

TOP TORONTO DJ

Q: What food would you associate with Toronto when it’s not Pride Week?

Crème brûlée. Why? It’s kind of sophisticated and crusty on the outside, but once you enter the middle and have a taste, it can be quite sweet.

Q: What is the ultimate Pride song?

“(You Make Me Feel) Mighty Real” by Sylvester.

Q: Who is your favourite gay performer?

RuPaul has been bringing it and consistently delivering for the past 20 years.

SOFONDA COX

DRAG QUEEN EXTRAORDINAIRE

Q: What’s it like to dress up in drag?

Should more of our readers try it out? It’s an exhilarating experience when you look this good! But seriously, drag is about creating the alter ego that you’ve always desired. Try it at least once; you might surprise yourself. But be warned: it’s highly addictive.

Q: Is T.O. a hard place for a drag queen?

Not for me. I’ve always been welcomed with open arms — not to mention open legs!

LEX VAUGHN

LOCAL COMEDIENNE

Q: What does Pride Week mean to you?

New meat to cruise, great cash grab for gay artists and more shocking ways that corporations can make themselves seem gay for a week.

Q: What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen at Pride Week?

A TD Bank “mist shower” and TD tattoo parlour, all in one stop.

Q: Describe Pride Week in three outstanding words.

Flaming, rambunctious, steamrolling.

JONATHON BURFORD

FLOAT DANCER

Q: What’s your go-to dance move on the float?

It’s called the House of Lords shuffle: a little bit vogue, a little bit robot and a lot disturbia.

Q: What’s the best accessory to have on the float?

Water gun full of vodka. Everyone wins.

Q: What’s the must-attend event this year?

The west end for downtown gays; the beer gardens and Prism for tourists.

New BIA for area

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MORE THAN 20 local business owners attended a meeting on Feb. 25 to discuss the possibility of forming a business improvement area on Yonge Street in the historic Thornhill area.

“The area is in desperate need of revitalization,” said Coun. Alan Shefman. “It is not walkable, and there is a tremendous potential, and we all really want to tap that potential.”

BIAs have been highly successful in Toronto, Shefman said, where municipalities match funds raised by local businesses in order to improve the streetscape of the district with flowers, benches or other kinds of street furniture.

In this case, two municipalities would be involved in the organization, with Vaughan on the west side of Yonge Street and Markham to the east.

But Jeff Bryce and his father, Malcolm Bryce, who owns PSA Insurance, worry that the BIA will be powerless against the strength of the historical society established years ago in the area. For example, Bryce said, the society requested the planned subway station as part of the Yonge Street extension be built north of Centre Street, even though many see it as a natural centre for the community.

“Although I commend them for their ability to influence decision makers, heritage is not the only voice for residents in Thornhill and clearly not for business,” Bryce said. “As such, it is time that the voice of others be heard.”

But those at heritage say they will welcome the opportunity to work with a future BIA.

“I think it is a misconception that heritage is trying to prevent them from doing what they want,” said Coun. Valerie Burke, who sits on the heritage board. “All that heritage wants to do is keep the heritage — we don’t have a lot of heritage.”

The next step, said Shefman, is that business owners will have to vote on whether or not to establish the BIA.

New park’s theme based on Atwood’s Alias Grace

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RICHMOND HILL COUNCIL approved designs for a new park that are based on a novel, Alias Grace, by Margaret Atwood.

The historical novel traces two murders that happened in the area in 1843. Thomas Kinnear and his housekeeper, Nancy Montgomery, were killed, and two servants in the household were found guilty of the crime. Grace Marks was sentenced to life in prison and James McDermott was hanged.

“Staff had read the book and said, ‘Oh, by the way, did you realize that this is pretty darn close to where those murders took place?’” said Coun. Lynn Foster, about the planning of the park. “And that’s why we went with the theme for the park of Alias Grace.”

Alias Grace Park, as it has been named with permission from the author and publisher of the novel, will be constructed between Ridgestone Drive and Aladdin Crescent, near Yonge Street and Elgin Mills Road.

Although the theme sounds a little dark, the designs reflect the novel, with references to imagery in the author’s writing through sculpture, plants, pavement designs and outdoor furnishings. For example, each chapter of the novel is named after a type of quilt pattern. Various quilt patterns will be rendered in the squares of the pavement.

The park will also include a playground, picket fencing, natural stone pillars and a flowering tree grove.

The design of the outdoor furniture, light fixtures and enclosures will also reflect early settlement in Richmond Hill, as it is described in the novel.

“We’re adding another great park to our series of parks throughout Richmond Hill,” Foster said. Construction is scheduled to being this spring.

Richmond Hill men charged in murder of philanthropist

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HOMICIDE INVESTIGATORS WITH Toronto Police Service charged three men with the murder of a prominent philanthropist last month, including two Richmond Hill locals.

Known for his large-scale donations to environmental groups, like World Wildlife Fund, and amateur sports leagues, Glen Davis, 66, was shot and killed in a North Toronto parking garage on May 18, 2007.

Police used enhanced video images from security cameras to create descriptions of the suspects. Unable to find a motive for the murder, Toronto Police Service issued a $50,000 reward for useful information about the case last February. Just two weeks later, the three men were arrested.

At a March 2 news conference, Staff Insp. Brian Raybould did not reveal how the men were connected to the victim, except to say that it was “through business and personal relationships.”

“We’re not able at this point — because the case is before the courts now — to elaborate on any motive, potential motive or connections of those involved other than to say that the three accused are certainly involved together,” he said.

All men were charged with first-degree murder.

Taking it down a notch

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DESPITE SIGNIFICANT REVISIONS to the plans for the five mixed-use buildings destined for a site near Yonge Street and Steeles Avenue, council and members of the community still aren’t sure the Liberty Development Corp. designs are appropriate for the community.

At a public meeting on Feb. 24, Steven Kirshenblatt, a partner with Kirkor Architects and Planners, presented designs to local residents. Plans include a reduced height and density for the buildings that will house more than 3,000 new people in the area. The idea, Kirshenblatt said, is to create a neighbourhood where people can work and live in the same vicinity.

“This development will create a new commercial retail centre for the community,” he said. “A new hotel is planned to serve visitors to the neighbourhood. It will provide an alternate form of housing for new residents that will allow for a much more sustainable future where people can live, shop and work without the need for an automobile.”

Kirshenblatt emphasized that the tallest towers in the development now meet the 100- metre limit set out by the Yonge Street and Steeles Avenue corridor study completed by the Town of Markham.

Those towers would be 31 storeys, with a nine-storey podium that would link them, and would front Yonge Street. A 22- storey office building and hotel would be constructed north of those towers. Two more residential towers, one 27 storeys and another 16, would front Meadowview Road and would be linked by an eight-storey podium.

“ The problem with the design is that it closes it all in. It ghettoizes it from the rest of the community.”

The buildings will be constructed to a LEED silver level, the architect said, and there will be green roofs and an irrigation system that reuses rainwater. But some residents in the neigbouring community are concerned that the increase in traffic still needs to be addressed.

“We cannot accommodate any more traffic into the south Thornhill area,” said Marilyn Ginsburg of the Grandview Area Residents’ Association. She said the project was planned in conjunction with the Yonge Street subway extension, which isn’t guaranteed to be built.

She’s also concerned that the plans, with the tallest buildings on the south end of the property, will create a wall between her neighbourhood and the development.

“The problem with the design is that it closes it all in,” she said. “It ghettoizes it from the rest of the community.”

Coun. Valerie Burke said there are many positive aspects of the development, such as the three public parks and underground parking included in the designs. However, the architecture could use some work, she said.

“I’m worried about the architecture. I want to be honest. But it is just blue glass. There is no imagination, and these buildings are going to be there for a long time.”

Finally, the current sewer infrastructure cannot withstand any more sewage, she said, and needs a costly overhaul.

“This sewer infrastructure is not capable of handling that development.”

Liberty has already scheduled a hearing at the Ontario Municipal Board in May. Burke said staff and the developer are trying to resolve as many issues as possible before the hearing.

How is Main Street coping in North Toronto?

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LOCAL BUSINESSES IN North Toronto may be suffering, but many merchants remain hopeful that, with the support of the community, they will be able to weather the economic storm.

“You have to put a smile on your face and take steps forward,” said Wendy Goldman, the owner of Leaside’s Your Clothes Friend clothing store. “Instead of saying, ‘Poor me,’ you have to understand that, yes, it’s a recession, but we’ve been there and done that before.”

Though the winter months after Christmas are traditionally slow months for retailers and restaurants, some Main Street businesses are reporting deeper losses than previous years.

“I think we’re seeing a little bit of a drop, definitely,” said Vito Rizzuto, owner of Five Doors North, an Italian restaurant near Yonge Street and Eglinton Avenue.

Rizzuto said customers are much more careful this year to get value in their orders when they eat out.

“Spending habits are changing a little bit. People aren’t spending as much,” he said, adding that instead of having a bottle of wine, for example, patrons will drink by the glass. “I just think they’re being a little cautious of how much they’re spending when they do go out.”

Despite a drop in sales, the restaurateur hasn’t made any changes to his business model or menu or laid off any staff, in the hopes that his customer’s new spending habits are temporary.

“We’re not looking to cut back anyway,” he said. “Especially being in the service industry, it’s difficult to cut back. On busier nights it could affect your service, and then you’re worse off.”

On Mt. Pleasant Avenue, the situation is much the same. High- end jeweller Linda Pendwarden is spending conservatively, and even though she hasn’t laid anyone off yet, she won’t be hiring any time soon.

“I’m definitely not hiring anyone right now,” she said. “I’m waiting that out.”

Instead, she’s focusing her energy on marketing and advertising. “I’m promoting a lot more,” she said. “I’m doing mail outs and keeping in touch with my customers.”

“Everybody’s got a sense of doom and gloom, and everybody’s concerned,” said Rick O’Connor, the co-ordinator of the Yonge Lawrence BIA. “The mood is definitely very cautious with a lot of the merchants. Everybody’s worried. Let’s face it.”

Small businesses are crucial to building strong communities, said Rebecca Reuber, a professor of entrepreneurship and small business at the Rotman School of Management.

“It keeps people in the neighbourhood, for healthy, vibrant communities,” she said. “[Small businesses] understand very well the needs of people in the neighbourhood.”

“Instead of saying, ‘Poor me,’ you have to understand that, yes, it’s a recession, but we’ve been there and done that before.”

The BIA will continue to work together on projects that will attract consumers to the area, O’Connor said. Flower baskets will still be coming this spring, and the group will continue the maintenance of street furniture and banners.

Your Clothes Friend’s owner, Wendy Goldman, hopes that as the weather heats up, so will business. “Once the weather changes, it will bring people onto the street and business will pick up.”

Three men charged with murder of philanthropist

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HOMICIDE INVESTIGATORS WITH Toronto Police Services charged three men with the murder of philanthropist Glen Davis last month.

Known for his large-scale donations to environmental groups, like the World Wildlife Fund, and amateur sports leagues, Davis, 66, was shot and killed near Mount Pleasant Road and Eglinton Avenue East at approximately 2 p.m. on May 18, 2007.

Police used enhanced video images from security cameras in underground parking garage to create descriptions of the suspects.

Unable to find a motive for the murder, Toronto Police Service issued a $50,000 reward for useful information about the case last February. Just two weeks later, the three men were arrested in connection to the case. Davis was also the victim of an assault in Dec. 2005. Strangely, he also survived a plane crash in Cincinnati, Ohio, that killed 21 people in 1983.

His murder investigation was dubbed Project Cincinnati, Staff Inspector Brian Raybould of the homicide squad said, because of that crash.

At a March 2 news conference, Raybould did not reveal how the men were connected to the victim, except to say that it was “through business and personal relationships.”

“We’re not able at this point — because the case is before the courts now — to elaborate on any motive, potential motive or connections of those involved other than to say that the three accused are certainly involved together,” he said.

All three men were charged with first-degree murder.

Cuts to local school library hours create hallway havoc

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STUDENTS HAVE HAD to line up at lunchtime to get into their own school libraries since hours have been reduced, say North York students.

“I’m forced to go into the cafeteria and the hallways to do homework and study,” said Tarah Bleier, a Grade 12 student at York Mills Collegiate Institute. “You can’t possibly focus in the cafeteria when everyone’s talking, you know?”

Library hours were cut last fall as the result of a need for staffing in other areas, said Gerri Gershon, school trustee for the ward. She explained that, had library hours not been reduced, the time students have to see guidance counsellors would have been affected.

School board trustee Josh Matlow said that more library cuts will follow in the fall. Thirty- six librarians may be cut at schools across the region.

“What will happen is that some schools may lose a teacher librarian, or, at some schools, library hours will be rolled back,” he said.

Matlow explained that a plan to consolidate area schools is underway. Once completed, the school board will have more money for services like libraries.

“We have a number of schools that are far below capacity…. Many staff are spread thinly throughout these schools,” he said. “When we have fewer buildings, staff won’t be stretched as widely.”

City goes on illegal sign ‘blitz’ in North York

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THE CITY’S MUNICIPAL licensing and standards division is cracking down on illegal, temporary advertising signs in North York.

Last month, the division went on a temporary sign “blitz,” removing seven signs on city property along Finch Avenue West and between 10 and 15 signs on Dufferin Street.

The signs were not permitted to be there, said Matias de Dovitiis, the assistant to Coun. Anthony Perruzza.

If a business does not apply successfully for a permit to put up a sign, they are sent a notice of violation and are asked to remove the sign within seven days.

“They have a few days to respond, and often they are removed, but then they go back — sometimes the signs pop back up,” Dovitiis said. “So they have to visit a number of sites over an extended period of time. They use the term “blitzing” because they go through areas to sweep through several times.”

The municipal licensing and standards division is currently creating a new bylaw that will regulate permanent advertising and other types of signage.

Temporary signs, however, will continue to be regulated by the current bylaw though the application process is currently under review.

How is Main Street coping in North York?

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LOCAL BUSINESSES IN North York may be suffering, but many small business owners are hopeful that their shops and restaurants will be able to weather the economic storm.

“You have to be optimistic,” said Marjorie Agnew, the owner of the Main Course, a specialty housewares store near Avenue Road and Wilson Avenue. “You have to buy new items and make sure it looks wonderful and make a special effort — which we do anyway,” she added.

Though the winter months after Christmas are traditionally slow months for retailers and restaurants, some Main Street businesses are reporting deeper losses than in previous years.

“In January and February, we found we’re trailing about 10 per cent lower,” said Tony Loschavio, owner of Paese and L-Eat, near Bathurst Street and Wilson Avenue.

“We’re finding that the general consensus is that people are very cautious to make certain they’re getting their money’s worth when they’re entertaining.”

As a result, Loschavio revised his menus, switching to filling, comfort foods, like chicken and mashed potatoes, instead of upscale items like foie gras and lobster.

“People are cautiously entertaining,” he said. “We know that a lot of people have lost their jobs or aren’t comfortable to show flash, so we’re suiting simpler tastes.”

Small businesses are crucial to building strong communities, said Rebecca Reuber, a professor of entrepreneurship and small business at the Rotman School of Management.

“It keeps people in the neighbourhood, for healthy, vibrant communities,” she said. “[Small businesses] understand very well the needs of people in the neighbourhood.”

Specializing in very specific products has helped some retailers like bridal gown designer Adele Wechsler and Samuel Kleinberg Jewellers.

“We’ve focused on our business in the engagement ring market, which is a constant market,” said Lorne Spivak, co-owner of the jewellery shop. Creatively using the Internet to advertise, combined with a new in-house program that allows shoppers to choose their diamonds carefully, has boosted the business, he said.

Wechsler agreed.

“It’s a time to really carve out a niche for ourselves,” the designer said. Her strategy is to appeal to the eco-conscious bride, with an eco- couture collection on offer.

But even though some retailers are feeling positive about the future, local BIAs reported closures, citing high rents and a drop in sales.

“The merchants are really desperate,” said Daly McCarten, a representative of the Uptown Yonge BIA, which serves the Sporting Life area. “It’s so hard to plan anything for them right now.”

McCarten said she and the other members are debating whether to increase advertising, and she is currently considering radio promotion in an effort to attract shoppers to the area.

The Main Course owner Marjorie Agnew agreed.

“I would suggest that the consumers support their local merchants. If they don’t, we won’t be here. As opposed to going to the malls and the big box stores, it’s more important than ever to support their local merchants.”

How is Main Street coping in Midtown?

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LOCAL BUSINESSES IN Midtown may be suffering, but many small business owners remain hopeful that with the support of the community they will be able to weather the economic storm.
“We’ve been through recessions before,” said Madeline Borg, the owner of the Paper Moon, a gift shop near Yonge Street and Eglinton Avenue. “No one is really confident right now. Still, we’re hoping for the best.”

Though the winter months after Christmas are traditionally slow months for retailers and restaurants, some Main Street businesses are reporting deeper losses than previous years.

“I think we’re seeing a little bit of a drop, definitely,” said Vito Rizzuto, owner of Five Doors North, a Midtown Italian restaurant.

Rizzuto said customers are much more careful this year to get value in their orders when they eat out.

“Spending habits are changing a little bit — people aren’t spending as much,” he said, adding that instead of having a bottle of wine, for example, patrons will drink by the glass. “I just think they’re being a little cautious of how much they’re spending when they do go out.”

Despite a drop in sales, the restaurateur hasn’t made any changes to his model or menu or laid off any staff, in the hopes that his customers’ new spending habits are only temporary.

“We’re not looking to cut back anyway,” he said. “Especially being in the service industry, it’s difficult to cut back. On busier nights it could affect your service, and then you’re worse off.”

In Yorkville, the situation is much the same. High-end women’s retailer Andrew’s, located in Hazelton Lanes, reported a decrease in sales for the month of February, but owner Darren Mason said sales have reached a plateau and that he’s working just as hard as always.

“If you work in retail, you always work long hours,” he said. “When times are good, you work really hard, and when times are bad, you work really hard.”

What has changed significantly, he said, is that suppliers aren’t stocking the same amount of inventory they have in the past.

“Once a particular item sells, it sells,” he said. “Even if we want to reorder it, we don’t have the opportunity because they’re not restocking.”

Small businesses are crucial to building strong communities, said Rebecca Reuber, a professor of entrepreneurship and small business at the Rotman School of Management.

“It keeps people in the neighbourhood, for healthy, vibrant communities,” she said. “[Small businesses] understand very well the needs of people in the neighbourhood.”

Even though retailers are trying to be positive, local BIAs reported closures. Last year, there were about 144 businesses in the Upper Village BIA, which runs along Eglinton Avenue West. This year, there are between 115 and 120, said Steven Petroff, chair of the BIA and owner of the Petroff Gallery.

“ If you work in retail, you always work long hours. When times are good, you work really hard, and when times are bad, you work really hard.”

Larger projects, like street festivals, will not move forward this spring, he said. But the BIA will plant flowers and maintain street furniture and lampposts to keep the area attractive.

“We still think it’s important to give people a reason to come here, whether they’re buying or not,” he said.