For the past year, women in Toronto have been using the “Are we dating the same guy?” Facebook group to warn other women about men they’ve dated who have harassed or abused them or find out whether the men they’re dating are cheating on them. Versions of this Facebook group have popped up in cities all over, from New York to London. Obviously, the group has struck a nerve in Toronto โ it seems men didn’t enjoy being called out for their bad behaviour. Now, they’ve chosen to retaliate by creating a copycat group called, “Are we dating the same girl?”
The private Facebook group bars women from entry and, lest anyone believes the creation of the group was out of genuine concern for men’s safety in the dating world, take a look at the description: “[T]hey want to make a group about cheating men. Lets [sic] see if the women are saints!”
The group, which was created three months ago, has amassed 1,100 members, almost half of which joined in the past week โ by comparison, there are over 50,000 members in the original “Are we dating the same guy?” group. Some of the group’s rules are taken almost word-for-word from the original group’s rules, including a rule not allowing members to post personal or contact information of the women they’re posting about and a note that members are posting at their own risk and could be sued for libel or defamation depending on what they post.
Notable additions to the new group’s rules include two emphasising that women (charmingly referred to as “females” in the rule’s title) are not allowed. “Men with girlfriends/wives that join are not allowed to show anyone else the post [sic] in the group for no [sic] reason whatsoever,” rule number five says. Rule number six is titled, “Read #5 ladies” in all capital letters. “STOP trying to join. You are NOT slick,” the description reads.
Women have already taken to social media to discuss the new group, noting that the original group was created to warn other women about abusive men and suggesting that the new group will be used for very different purposes.
There’s a post going around discussing the pros and cons of “ARE WE DATING THE SAME GIRL/GUY” and some user was like, “well my friend had 3 different women say they were pregnant and con him for money for the abortion.”
โ Sonya’s Bizarre Adventure (@honey_child) May 3, 2023
Men just get annoyed when they’re called out and judged and other people come out to confirm the call-out was accurate.
โ Sonya’s Bizarre Adventure (@honey_child) May 3, 2023
Glimpses inside the group show that they may be right โ while the number one rule of the “Are we dating the same girl?” Facebook group is to “be kind and courteous,” members have been seen making fun of women’s appearances in posts and have even posted about women they’ve never dated before.
@shesisabrokenbubble Men wanna be like women so bad #arewedatingthesameguy #hatersgonnahate #whyisthereapictureofmeonig โฌ original sound – carson
The โare we dating the same girlโ group for men.. is NOT gonna go the same way the womenโs does.. at all. I wish i could be a fly on the wall lol
โ Aquarius baby ๐ (@Mtlxo_) May 30, 2023
In a Reddit thread about creating an “Are we dating the same girl?” group in Ontario, one commenter said, “They tried to get one up and running but it quickly became hot or not. The womenโs group is to warn others about potentially dangerous and abusive men. Whereas the menโs group was saying sheโs a whore, sheโs ugly etc.”
The group is still in its early stages, and will no doubt grow from here. It remains to be seen whether it turns into a cesspool for misogyny ย or a genuinely helpful group for men to ask for dating advice (if the original Facebook group is any indication, it looks like they need it).
Read our first-person account of the “Are we dating the same guy?” Facebook group here.
